Monthly Archives: April 2010

MilSpouse Blog Hop Welcome

by

Where thou art – that – is Home.
~Emily Dickinson

Photobucket

Welcome to the MilSpouse Blog Hop, coordinated by Wife on the Roller Coaster. I’m so exciting to meet everyone!

About Me
I’m a small-town woman who fell in love with a Navy man while he was on shore duty in Michigan. And then I decided to join the Navy Reserves as an officer.   On March 21, 2009, we were married… just in time for him to return to sea duty in the great state of Washington. Without me. We had only been married a few weeks.

I love my Sailor!

You see, I owned a house not only in a bad economy, but in the worst economy in the United States. It took 10 months of trying to sell, but unfortunately it didn’t. However, we took a leap of faith and are trying to make it on one and a half salaries while I search for a job.  And yes, my husband now has to salute me ;)

We are now on our second deployment. And have only lived together for 10 weeks.  I may also be sent active duty very soon… prolonging our separation.

While he’s gone, I get to deal with hang out with our three dogs. We have three. And they are large. Between the three of them, they weigh nearly 300 pounds. Okay, well, it’s actually 285-290, but that’s nearly 300, right? And 300 sounds so much more amazing, right?

We have Chase, the nearly 11 year old Greyhound.  Lulu, the 4 year old Greyhound. And Skah, the 2 year old Great Pyrenees. They keep me busy, especially when Huzzy is on deployment.

And this is my story…

How to participate
 Head on over to Wife on the Roller Coaster’s blog, follow the directions and sign up!

Welcome! And if you would like me to add you to my blogroll, let me know in your comment (saves me the trouble of tracking you down and asking!).

Women on Submarines

by

Change is inevitable – except from a vending machine.
~Robert C. Gallagher

It’s official, the Navy will begin allowing women on submarines. I’ve seen a lot of debate on this. Many people–both Sailors and wives–are very negative toward this. Many embrace it. The Navy is definitely trying to get the word out and talk to Sailors and their families about it. In fact, the Admiral of the sub group had a town hall meeting for families to discuss it. He presented facts and then opened it up to questions/comments.

The Ohio-class guided-missile submarine USS Georgia (SSGN 729) passes Mount Vesuvius after a port visit to Naples, Italy. (U.S. Navy photo by Mass Communication Specialist 1st Class John Parker/Released)

I, of course, as a wife of a submariner, have my own opinion on it. But before I go further, please see and read the disclosure at the top left of this page….. Have you read it? No really, read it….  Okay, now that that is done, here’s the skinny: I think it’s fantastic and about time.

Let’s get the facts on integrating women onto submarines. There will only be female officers going on submarines right now.  They are going to choose 19 with the hopes that 16 make it through all the schools (this is the normal accession/drop rate). They will be chosen in the next few months from the Naval Academy, NROTC, STA-21 and OCS (there may be one more but I forget). Like all submariners, they will all be completely volunteer.

These women will go through the normal nuclear schools and should be heading into the fleet in late 2011. There may be a few that will be brought in from surface ships but they will go through the exact same process as everyone else.

The female officers will be placed approximately two on each crew (blue and gold) of one SSBN and one SSGN on each coast (west and east).  The GNs and Boomers already have the facilities for them to integrate the women with no modifications because officer berthing is 2-3 people per room. So it works out perfectly. SSNs will not be used at this time because they would need to be modified to do this.

The Ohio-class guided-missile submarine USS Florida (SSGN 728) arrives for a routine port visit to the island of Crete. (U.S. Navy photo by Paul Farley/Released)

At this time, it is only officers who are being integrated. They are watching to see how well this works and only after then would they consider integrating enlisted females. However, there would be a lot of modifications that would need to be done and that would cost a lot of money. Right now, that’s not on the table. And frankly, my opinion is that by the time they are ready to integrate enlisted women onto submarines, it’ll be time for them to design a new submarine class and they will probably just design it so they can easily be integrated. But who knows, maybe they’ll do it sooner.

Now, I know many women are worried that their husbands will be tempted to cheat. Let me reiterate: only officers are being integrated and only 19 of the top candidates will be allowed to go on submarines. That’s pretty cream of the crop. These women are going to be so career-focused they are not going to want to mess anything up. Besides, we all know they are going to be living in fish bowls and they are going to be out to show that women can do this.

And while we are on this topic… women, if you are worried that your man might cheat because he’s cooped up for several months with other women, let me say this: you have more to worry about in your marriage than this happening. Because let’s face it, if a guy (or girl for that matter) wants to cheat, or has the capacity to cheat, he’s going to whether he’s on the boat or on land. And just remember, they also get port calls… plenty of opportunity to cheat if they want to.

Ohio class ballistic missile submarine USS West Virginia (SSBN 736) transits the Atlantic Intracoastal Waterway as it returns to Naval Submarine Base Kings Bay, Ga. from a patrol mission. (U.S. Navy photo Mass Communication Specialist 1st Class Kimberly Clifford/Released)

And the question of sexual harassment happening on the boat… well, again, these women are professionals and they are not going to be making up some wild stories. In fact, if anything, they might tend to keep any real harassment quiet because of the scrutiny that they will be under from the Navy and the rest of the world.

Now, as to the health side of it. Again, these women are cream of the crop. I’m willing to bet they are going to be responsible in family planning. The Navy is not going to knowingly take a pregnant woman underway. If she is discovered to be pregnant while underway, she will be removed from the boat when it is safe to do so. This is no different than if a man is injured/becomes extremely ill and must leave.

There is also NO evidence that the air on the boat is harmful to a fetus or to women planning to have children in the future. Of course, the Navy is going to be monitoring this quite closely, too.

Now, I know that the submarine community is basically the last Navy community that puts tradition ahead of political correctness. I mean, I hear about the stupid tricks/stuff my husband and his shipmates say. But think about it. These women know what they are getting in to. They are CHOOSING it. They are going to be pretty thick-skinned.

The Admiral was asked if he truly thought women could do everything the men could do on a submarine. And he said there was nothing on the boat that he has ever seen that would be compromised because a woman was on board and doing a job as long as she was physically fit. He said that hey, there are some men on board that aren’t the strongest of people. If there is something heavy to move and a woman can’t do it, there are going to be men who aren’t strong enough either. They just go and find the strongest person on the boat for the job ;)

Here’s the thing, though. It wasn’t until the ’70s when women were even allowed in the regular Navy. And it wasn’t until the ’90s that women were allowed on surface ships.

Guess what? I’ll bet you anything that the same worries/excuses came from the ranks/world… “women can’t do the job like men,” “women are going to entice men to cheat,” “women are going to get pregnant and leave an open billet,” “women need special care” and so on and so forth. And you know what? It’s all been de-bunked.

Ya know… a hundred years ago, it was thought that women weren’t intelligent enough to vote. They weren’t smart enough to own property. They weren’t to be trusted to make political decisions. And it wasn’t until 60 years ago that women were thought of as anything but only capable of only running a home… and surely not a business.

Civilization has come a long way. Women being allowed on submarines is just another step in the direction of progress.

Secret Deployment Buddy Sign-Up

by

A friend is one of the nicest things you can have, and one of the best things you can be.
~Douglas Pagels

So deployments suck. We all know this. Whether they are four months our 14 months, they suck. And sometimes, we need a friend. Someone who understands what we are going through.

So, I’d like to create a Secret Deployment Buddy exchange. Similar to a Secret Santa, this is a Secret Deployment Buddy.  While your spouse is deployed, you’ll be assigned to someone whose spouse is also deployed. You will send e-mails, notes, etc to brighten his/her day and maybe an occasional pick-me-up to their house.

When your spouse comes back, I’ll assign your buddy to someone else… that is, unless you want to continue to be assigned to your buddy until his/her spouse comes back.

You’ll keep your identity secret (you can alway sign up for a Gmail account with something like “secret buddy @ gmail . com” or whatever) until the match ends.

Here are the rules:

  1. You’ll need to contact your buddy at least once a week via e-mail or postal mail.
  2. At least once a month, send your buddy something to brighten his/her day. You shouldn’t spend more than $20/month.
  3. Keep it secret, that’s what makes it fun.

So, if you want to sign up, just let me know in my comments and send me an e-mail [wife of a sailor (at) gmail (dot) com] with your e-mail, address (you don’t have to give it to me if you don’t want, but your Secret Buddy will need to know it to send you stuff), and a little bit about yourself. Your likes, dislikes, favorites, special holidays/days that will happen while your spouse is deployed.

Have fun!!!

It Hit Me

by

Where you used to be, there is a hole in the world, which I find myself constantly walking around in the daytime, and falling in at night.  I miss you like hell.
~Edna St Vincent Millay

Huzzy’s gone. You know that from my last post. I know that (duh!). I’ve been preparing his first care package. I’ve been driving his truck. I’ve been dealing with dogs and letting them outside, feeding them and cleaning up their puke. I’ve mowed the lawn and put the garbage out for the trash man. All things that Huzzy normally does.

I mean, I know he’s gone. But you for those of you who have done deployments before, you know there is a time where it just *hits* you. That was today.

I was shopping at Target getting a few things for Huzzy’s care package. I knew I needed some Lean Cuisines and other things for quick meals. I looked down the aisle and saw the sign. It said, “Meals for One.”  That’s when it hit me. I’m having to buy stuff just for me. I’m not buying stuff Huzzy would like or enough for two. I’m buying for one. I started to blink back the tears and tried to hold it in. Luckily, I was successful. Well, for the time being.

I could feel the curtain of sadness descend. The rest of my shopping was robotic. I felt like my eyes were blank. I just walked around getting what I needed and headed out of there. I saw little cute babies but it didn’t even make me smile. I just glanced over them and kept going. Even a three year old in a pink tutu, who obviously chose her outfit, didn’t break me out of it.

I came home right after. I was going to do some more errands but right now, I just want to sit here and veg out. I’ll get over it. It may take a few days, but I’ll get over it. Tomorrow, I’m meeting a milspouse for coffee and then going to an FRG meeting (Family Readiness Group). If I’m not over it by then, well, I can fake being all happy and that stuff.

I hate when it hits. But, that just means that I’m that much closer to falling into a routine. And that always makes the days apart go that much faster.

Gone Again

by

The reason it hurts so much to separate is because our souls are connected.
~Nicholas Sparks, The Notebook

Yup, Huzzy’s gone again. And I can’t tell you when he left. Just that he did. I hate that about submarines. It seems as though everyone else can say it and get the support they need on the worst day, yet we have to keep it a tight secret and can’t even let people know after the fact.  He’ll be back late summer. And then he’ll be gone again before the year is up. Gotta love sub duty!

It was the first time I watched him get on the bus to head to the airport. Last time, it was me leaving at the airport days before he had to go. And before that, it was him getting into his truck to drive cross-country. It’s a bit easier when something else is taking you away versus you having to do the leaving yourself. Sure, he got on the bus, but he didn’t have to put it in drive and go. Someone else did that dirty job for him.

It was both tougher and easier, though. Tougher because I saw all the other wives tearing up and the kids tearing up. People crying makes me cry. Easier because I knew why he had to go and watching those kids not understand why daddy was leaving made me realize what I’m going through is nothing compared to them.

It was nice to spend a few weeks with him. We didn’t do nearly the amount of stuff that we wanted to get done. The garage still holds so many boxes that not even one car can park in it… we wanted to get at least half those gone so I could park my car in it.  But instead, we decided to spend quality time together. Now, the unpacking job falls to me.

Speaking of the car, I decided to do something that would save us money. I decided to sell my ’05 Hyundai Tucson–that still has a manufacturer’s warranty until May 21–for an older car that was better on gas. The thought was I’d get out from under the $220 monthly payments (even though it’ll be paid off next year) and save gas.

So, we bought a nice 2000 Volkswagen Jetta (or so we thought). It was such a good deal that we decided to use our savings to buy it and repay ourselves with the equity in my SUV when that sold.

My brother is an Audi mechanic (Audi scouted him when he finished his college education and sent him to their private school to learn Audi stuff… at their own expense and with a guarantee of a job at the end. Yes, I’m proud of him) at a dealership that also sells Volkswagen and Honda. So he works on all those cars.

He just purchased an older Jetta himself. Says they are great cars with nearly indestructible engines (if you get the 2.0 litre non-diesel). He recommended getting a manual because they are so easy to fix, Huzzy could do it himself. Automatics are a bit tougher.

So that’s what we did. Huzzy’s job before he left was to teach me how to drive a stick shift. We got about 20 minutes in the first day and then were going to spend the next 3 days practicing. But first, we needed to get the brakes fixed (we knew this when we bought the car). Huzzy had already replaced the serpentine belt himself but didn’t want to do the brakes. So we sent it in to a young kid the place we bought it from recommended. He only charges $60 for brakes and $10 an hour for anything else.

He found that the pads were new… but the rotors were horrid crap, which made the pads bad already.  So those had to be resurfaced. Then he found that some idiot had put the wrong brake fluid in the car. So that had to be fixed. And then he found the calipers were bad.  So those had to be fixed.  That was $400 there… not expensive for what had been fixed, but expensive for us living on one income while still waiting… two months after I left… for my unemployment money to come through (that’s another rant). And expensive when I am still paying on my other car.

Just a few miles down the road after picking up the car, it started overheating. BAD. We found that the engine fans weren’t coming on. So we had to frog-hop it back home because Huzzy thought he could fix it. It took us 2 hours to go 20 miles. We couldn’t go more than 4 miles before it overheated and we had to stop to wait for it to cool down.

Huzzy replaced what he thought was wrong (the switch for the fans). But it was still overheating. So we had to send it to the dealership to see if they could find it. And they did. The water pump was bad. Oh, and the timing belt needed to be replaced.  Another $900.

It’s still at the dealership. Why? Because I can’t drive a freakin’ stick. And I’m stuck in this new place where I know a whole two people and whomever I’ve “met” online via my blog and Twitter. One of those two people is going to watch our dogs this weekend while I do my drill weekend in Everett. He’s going to help me get the car home and has even offered to teach me to drive it.

Not sure how that will go because Huzzy and I both thought he’d not be a good teacher because he’s really sarcastic and I can see him saying, “Um, this is so freakin’ easy, why aren’t you getting it?!”  That would set me off.  But, he offered and I told him some things Huzzy was telling me about how to do it and he said Huzzy was being too technical and it’s much easier than that. So we’ll see. I knew Huzzy was being technical, but that’s just the way he is. I”m not technical so maybe our friend will be able to teach me. We’ll see. Pray for patience on both our sides.

Anyway, this post is getting really long. And I really need to get a camera so I can post pictures on here.