The Twelve Infertile Days of Christmas

Two years ago, I penned a relatively popular poem entitled, ” The 12 (Submarine Wife) Days of Christmas”  (before women were on boats!). I find it helpful to make fun of my own misery or sadness, so this year I penned one for the infertiles in my life.

I was going to make a video of me singing it because the add-ons in each stanza would make more sense that way. But I didn’t because 1. I don’t have access to a piano nor do I know how to play the first few chords and 2. I have a terrible voice. You are welcome.

So without further ado, I give you…

The Twelve (Infertile) Days of Christmas
{written by Wife of a Sailor}

On the first day of Christmas, infertility gave to me:
An empty uterus with no baby!
 
On the second day of Christmas, infertility gave to me:
Two years of drugs,
And an empty uterus with no baby!  (Again)
 
On the third day of Christmas, infertility gave to me:
Three weekly RE visits,
Two years of drugs, (What?! NO! I’m not a bitch on them!)
And an empty uterus with no baby!
 
On the fourth day of Christmas, infertility gave to me:
Four more invasive tests,
Three weekly RE visits, (That are two hours away)
Two years of drugs,
And an empty uterus with no baby!
 
On the fifth day of Christmas, infertility gave to me:
Fiiiiive pregnancy announcements from fertiles
Four more invasive tests, (The doctors see more of me than my husband)
Three weekly RE visits,
Two years of drugs,
And an empty uterus with no baby!
 
On the sixth day of Christmas, infertility gave to me:
Six pee sticks this month …
Fiiiiive pregnancy announcements from fertiles (*eye roll*)
Four more invasive tests,
Three weekly RE visits,
Two years of drugs,
And an empty uterus with no baby!
 
On the seventh day of Christmas, infertility gave to me:
Seven different protocols,
Six pee sticks this month … (all of them were negative)
Fiiiiive pregnancy announcements from fertiles
Four more invasive tests,
Three weekly RE visits,
Two years of drugs,
And an empty uterus with no baby!
 
On the eighth day of Christmas, infertility gave to me:
Eight wasted years of birth control,
Seven different protocols, (I feel like I’m a lab rat)
Six pee sticks this month …
Fiiiiive pregnancy announcements from fertiles
Four more invasive tests,
Three weekly RE visits,
Two years of drugs,
And an empty uterus with no baby!
 
On the ninth day of Christmas, infertility gave to me:
Nine vials of blood drawn,
Eight wasted years of birth control, (And if we ever have kids, I’m not telling them that)
Seven different protocols,
Six pee sticks this month …
Fiiiiive pregnancy announcements from fertiles
Four more invasive tests,
Three weekly RE visits,
Two years of drugs,
And an empty uterus with no baby!
 
On the 10th day of Christmas, infertility gave to me:
Ten days to pay the RE bill,
Nine vials of blood drawn, (Darn those blasted vampires!)
Eight wasted years of birth control,
Seven different protocols,
Six pee sticks this month …
Fiiiiive pregnancy announcements from fertiles
Four more invasive tests,
Three weekly RE visits,
Two years of drugs,
And an empty uterus with no baby!
 
On the 11th day of Christmas, infertility gave to me:
Eleven appointments with Wandy,
Ten days to pay the RE bill, (There goes baby’s college tuition)
Nine vials of blood drawn,
Eight wasted years of birth control,
Seven different protocols,
Six pee sticks this month …
Fiiiiive pregnancy announcements from fertiles
Four more invasive tests,
Three weekly RE visits,
Two years of drugs,
And an empty uterus with no baby!
 
On the 12th day of Christmas, infertility gave to me:
Twelve days of stims…
Eleven appointments with Wandy, (I think she should buy me dinner first)
Ten days to pay the RE bill,
Nine vials of blood drawn,
Eight wasted years of birth control,
Seven different protocols,
Six pee sticks this month …
Fiiiiive pregnancy announcements from fertiles
Four more invasive tests,
Three weekly RE visits,
Two years of drugs,
And an empty uterus with no baby!

So if you enjoyed the poem, or it made you laugh or even just smile, please consider sharing it with your other infertiles so that they may smile as well and we may say a big EFF YOU to the sadness that surrounds infertiles during the holidays (but please don’t forget to link back here).

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2 thoughts on “The Twelve Infertile Days of Christmas

  1. Pingback: 2013: You were… there | Wife of a Sailor

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