Category Archives: blogging

I dream of giving birth to a child who will ask, “Mother, what was war?” 
~Eve Merriam

April is Month of the Military Child. Since Huzzy and I don’t have children, I put out a call for guest bloggers to help out. I originally wanted to do a guest blogger every Monday, but I had so many fantastic responses that you’ll see a guest blogger every Monday and Thursday!

New Mommy and her family

My fifth guest blogger is New Mommy Confessions. She’s pretty new to blogging, but she’s catching on quick. While a large portion of it concerns military life, her blog also touches on “normal” family life, crafts, baking and the occasional rant.

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When the Sailor and I started talking babies we knew it meant someone’s career was at an end. At the time we were both active duty, but we had already decided that a child should have at least one stable person in their life. Financially it made the most sense for the Sailor to remain in the Navy and for me to get out.

Everything worked out beautifully, and when Baby Girl turned 8 months I was honorably discharged and ready to tackle my new role as a stay-at-home-mom. By this time the Sailor was already 2 months into a 6 month cruise. This meant that for the first 2 months I was a working, first-time mommy with no family in the area. The Navy doesn’t care if your kid is sick and daycare won’t take them.

I gained a healthy respect for working moms and especially military moms in those first months. I also learned that it just wasn’t for me. I might tease the Sailor about a lot of things (like who got the higher ASVAB score…ha!) but he is constantly forced to do something that I know in my heart I would not be capable of. More often than we like, he is called upon to leave his baby girl behind to do a job far, far away.

The first time he left she was 6 months old. He missed everything. I can’t imagine how hard it must have been for him to hear all of her accomplishments through email and rare phone calls. First teeth, first word (Daddy!), crawling, climbing, first birthday…

I debated with myself what to do while he was gone. I knew that the most important thing to me was to be sure that Baby Girl knew who her Daddy was. I had his picture plastered everywhere: it was the screensaver on my phone and computer. I put up extra pictures of him around the house and invested in some “unbreakable” frames for our daughter so she had pictures of him she could play with. I had a pillow made up with his picture on it and she slept with it every night. He recorded himself reading her books, which I played so many times that I can recite “Hop on Pop” and a lot of other Dr. Suess books by heart.

But the hardest decision was what to do about him. Do I tell him every little milestone? Do I hide some from him so that maybe he wouldn’t know how much he was missing? This was our first child, and he had to miss so much of it.

Daddy and daughter

In the end I told him everything. I took a picture of her every day he was gone and sent him every single one. I sent him a pillowcase with a collage of baby pictures on it. A lot of women will complain about how the ship went into “River City” a lot during that deployment, but I’m convinced the internet just needed to take frequent breaks after dealing with all my emails and pictures.

When the Sailor came home I was a wreck. Did I do everything I could? Will she remember him? He had been gone for more so long.

In the end I didn’t need to worry. As soon as Daddy showed up I was invisible! (Hey kid, remember me? Mommy?) It was all worth it. Baby Girl certainly knew her Daddy.

Now we’re going through it again. Already. By the time he gets back this time he will have been gone for more than half of her life. It’s easier and harder this time. I know what to do, and I’m getting pretty good at it. He recorded books again before he left, we spent a lot of family time together and she sleeps with her Daddy Doll. But new stuff is cropping up as well. Nothing prepares you for your child wandering the house yelling, “Daddy, where are you?” because she thinks he’s just hiding. It breaks my heart every time.

When he comes home safe this will all feel like it was just a bad dream. I look forward to that day and pray for his safety and the safety of all those men and women on board. And I hang in there. I was a sailor too, and we’re a tough breed. And now I’m a milspouse, and we’re an even tougher breed. We wait until the kids are asleep to cry. Then we dry our tears, shake it off and carry on.

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If you don’t like something change it; if you can’t change it, change the way you think about it. 
~Mary Engelbreit

April is Month of the Military Child. Since Huzzy and I don’t have children, I put out a call for guest bloggers to help out. I originally wanted to do a guest blogger every Monday, but I had so many fantastic responses that you’ll see a guest blogger every Monday and Thursday!

My second guest blogger is Jamie at Handling with Grace?.

Jamie and her daughter

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Hi ladies.  My name is Jamie.  I blog over at “Handling With Grace?”.  I am a Navy wife and mother of a two year old.  I love the adventure that the military life offers but as we all know, there are tradeoffs that we encounter.  There are two simple truths about military life that we all know.

1. Military life is hard.  It is hard to move around every couple years.  It is hard to leave friends who mean the world to us.  It is hard to re-make friends when we reach the new duty station.  It is not an “easy” lifestyle.
2. This is a GOOD life!  Being separated from our biological families, we rely most heavily on our own little glued together modge podge group of friends that turn into family members.  We get to travel the country and experience things that many people never get to.  We are part of a select group of people who have friends all over not just this great country but this amazing world.

Things start to get a little trickier (for me at least) when I add my sweet toddler in to the equation.  She has big extended family that lives mere miles from each other in Southern California.  She (we) are the only missing piece of that family.  I am sad for her that she is not going to grow up super close to her cousins.  I am sad for her that she is not going to really know her grandparents and they won’t really know her.

I find peace with our (my husband and I try to make these decisions together) decision to be “lifers” by knowing that my sweet little one is going to be an expert friend maker by the time she is in high school.  She is not going to have a choice in the matter.  We are going to move.  This is an unavoidable component of this lifestyle that we have chosen.  Hopefully with my guidance and assistance, she will develop the self-confidence necessary to be a successful friend maker.  She will have a lot to offer as a friend with her vast array of life experiences travels.

Jamie and family

I plan to continue to show her all around this country and take full advantage of each duty station that we go to.  Through the travels and experiences, I fully expect her to develop a strong sense of self and self- confidence.  She is lucky that by the time she reaches high school, she too will have friends and extended “family members” all over not only this great country but this amazing world!

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Think of stretch marks as pregnancy service stripes. 
~Joyce Armor

April is Month of the Military Child. Since Huzzy and I don’t have children, I put out a call for guest bloggers to help out. I originally wanted to do a guest blogger every Monday, but I had so many fantastic responses that you’ll see a guest blogger every Monday and Thursday!

My first guest blogger is Poekitten from Many Waters. She’s pregnant with their first child. I figured starting out Month of the Military Child with someone who is about to have her first military child would be the perfect place to start. So here we go…

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Hi, I’m Poekitten from Many Waters! I’m a born and bred New Englander who has been transplanted to the Pacific Northwest thanks to my husband (and the Navy). I love tea, other cultures, flip flops, warm weather and the view from our deck of Puget Sound. My husband, whom I call The Man, and I are expecting are first child in mid-July. We’re super excited and nervous too, all at the same time.

Poekitten and Mr. Poekitten... parents-to-be!

I’ve found that being a pregnant Milspouse isn’t all the different from a non pregnant Milspouse. I still do most of the things I did before I got pregnant, like cooking, cleaning, taking care of the furbabies (minus the catbox…loving it!), etc. The Man’s schedule is crazy thanks to being in the shipyard, so nothing has changed there. The biggest change so far is that I’m getting bigger and it’s getting harder getting comfy to sleep. I’m enjoying duty nights now cause I get the whole bed and all the pillows too myself.

Well, there might be one difference. The hormones. The hormones just magnify everything. I’m kinda ashamed about my reaction to his leaving for week long sea trials. I wanted to do nothing but pull the covers over my head and stay in bed all weekend. I made myself get out of bed but it was a challenge. I was appalled because we’ve endured much longer separations. A week is NOTHING. I was just so overwhelmed at the thought of him missing birthing class and a doctors appointment and having to deal with the dogs and the cats and just plain being alone. Even in the midst of it I knew it was ridiculous. I had no idea who this woman was or where she came from. I know that there are other milspouses who have had their husbands gone for the majority of the pregnancy. There are milspouses who have given birth while their husbands are deployed.

As I thought about it, I realized they had days where they wanted to hide under the covers too. So I did what I always go, what we milspouses always do. I put on my big girl panties and moved on. I’m not going to lie, the Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup ice cream helped. I’ve been wrestling my emotions and trying to keep them under control. Thankfully, a pregnant women a break down is allowed and maybe even expected every once in a while.

So I’m doing what I do when he’s gone. I take care of the house and the furbabies. I eat all the food I like and he hates. I write down the thoughts that I want to share with him when he gets home. I sort through baby clothes and other paraphernalia that a kind friend has given us. As I do these things my mind is thinking, thinking about this life and lifestyle we’ve chosen. I realize, even as I mourn the idea that my daughter won’t grow up in one town like I did, that there is strength here. My daughter will learn how to be independent, how to face yucky situations head on, how to make friends in new places and how to deal with separation from loved ones. She’ll see how love between two people, even when they are apart, stays strong. She’ll have me to model those things for her. So I’m starting now, being role model for my daughter. If I can’t handle a separation from my husband when it’s just me, how will I be able to do it with a child?

As her daily kicks remind me, I’m not alone. It’s no longer just the two of us, The Man and I. There are three of us now. Thankfully as the two of us wait for her daddy to come home, we’re not alone either. We have the sisterhood of milspouses standing with us. So thank you ladies (and gents too!) for your support and strength. I know that none of us could do this very well alone.

In case you’re wondering, my emotions are all over the place again. I think a bowl of ice cream will help…

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