It’s finally happening! I’m going to have surgery in exactly four weeks. While I’m scared and nervous, I’m also so excited. I sure hope this will finally fix my shoulder.

Unfortunately, the doctor isn’t sure what is wrong. My MRI came back fine, but he wasn’t expecting to find anything on it. He said labrum tears (which is what he’s expecting to find) are hard to see on MRI and because it’s been 18 months months since the injury, he said it would have been even more unusual to actually find something. He also says there is a possibility of me having stretched ligaments (like a rubber band that’s been stretched and won’t go back in place). If it’s the labrum tear, he’ll fix that by shaving off the flyaway pieces and, depending on the severity and type of tear, re-attach it. If it’s a stretched ligament, he will have to tighten it back up.

The doc has said the goal of the surgery is pain relief and the prognosis is “good to excellent.”  That’s good news for the most part. If all I get from this surgery is pain relief, I’ll be happy. He says there’s a good chance that I will have pain the rest of my life. There’s also a moderate chance that if the ligaments are fixed, they could be fixed too tight or too loose… and then I’d have to have surgery again.  And while he expects me to be back in Navy-shape six to 12 months after the surgery… there’s a chance this won’t happen. Which means I’d be medically separated.

But I’m focusing on the positive… I have a GOOD chance of lessening the pain after this surgery. I’m so excited about that. I’d love to sleep more than 3 or so hours without waking up and having to re-adjust my sleeping position. I’d LOVE to sleep on my left side again. I miss it. And my right shoulder gets tired of being the only one slept on.

According to the doctor, I will need care 24/7 for the first 10 days. After that, I should be able to return to work since I do office work. I’m going to have to rent an “ice machine.” Apparently, it’s a gizmo that is wrapped around the shoulder and delivers a continuous flow of cold water to keep the area iced and the swelling down.

Huzzy has told his command about the surgery but they haven’t given him the okay that he can take care of me for either that day or for the entire 10 days. And while I know I have friends in the area who wouldn’t mind shuttling me to the hospital for the surgery (while it’s total anesthesia, it’s a same-day hospital stay/surgery), I loathe to ask people to help. I will if I have to, don’t get me wrong, I just don’t really want to.

I’ll be in a sling for quite a while and I’ll still be in it when Huzzy goes on his next patrol (deployment). This should be our second-to-last one before shore duty. Four in 2 1/2 years so far. Pretty normal for our community except deployments 2 & 3 happened back-to-back and that’s what’s going to happen to deployments 4 & 5. That’s not normal but we’ll have been with three different commands during these five patrols, so it happens. The final deployment looks like it’ll be a long one (so far). Oh well, I know it will (or should) be our last, so once we get through this one, we are one away from being home free! Well, at least for a little bit.

As I go through my daily routines, I’ve been thinking about how that will be with a sling. And not just a sling, but I won’t be allowed to move, turn or lift my shoulder for fear of un-doing whatever fixing/tightening the doctor will do in there. I’ve wondered things like….

How in the WORLD do I get a shirt on?

Not to mention my Navy uniforms… how am I supposed to wear those and still be in regulations?

I drive a stick shift… uh…..

How do I put muzzles on the dogs?

How do I open a jar?

The bathroom. ‘Nuff said.

I am going to have to become a one-handed pecker. (get your mind out of the gutter, I’m talking a hunt-and-peck typist)

How do you pull a chord for the push-mower while holding down the bar thing on the handle?

I’m glad I don’t have kids and have to deal with them one-handed. But dealing with the dogs should be interesting.

This should be quite the adventure… and one I will hopefully not have to repeat. The Navy hasn’t given me an LOD (Line of Duty) letter yet, so right now, I’ll have take those 10 days off unpaid and also not be able to do my second job and lose the pay from THAT. The letter was supposed to be here a month ago. My choice is to either do the surgery now and hope they will eventually back-pay me or put it off… and have the surgery while Huzzy’s deployed.

Have any of you had labrum surgery and/or tightening of the ligaments/tendons? How did it go? Am I worrying about not having help afterward for no reason?

Recently I was asked if I wanted to join the Spouse Buzz team of bloggers. My immediate reaction was, “Heck YES!” But then I decided it would be best to learn more about what would be expected of me.  And after finding that out, my answer was “DOUBLE HECK YES!”

So, today was my first post over there. It talks about a new update in my life here. If you don’t know about the site, it’s an awesome resource for ALL military spouses. Please check it out!

April is the Month of the Military Child. Deployments and serving in the military is tough on the servicemember and the spouse, but it’s equally as hard (if not harder) on the servicemember’s children. Military children often need more support than a civilian child, especially during deployments.

This month, to honor our military children, I’m dedicating each Monday to Month of the Military Child (except today since I didn’t have internet this week… so I’m catching up on this past Monday’s post). Since we don’t have children, I’ve asked a few guests to blog about their experiences with military children and provide some insight into how we can help these children excel during what may be the toughest time of their young lives.

My second guest post of the month is about a side of the service that is often overlooked… the Reserve side. As a reservist myself, I thought it was important to highlight the children who live as civilian children… until they are thrust into the military life with a deployed parent.

This guest post will go through some of the ups and downs military children experience.

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I am an Air Force wife, mom of two, personality psychologist, freelance writer, runner, and cook. I blog at www.LeadingMama.com. I

Like Father, Like Son

wake up early, no matter what. I have big ideas and I love a challenge. I say “yes” too often and I hate sitting still. I’m addicted to coffee, chocolate, and my kids. When my husband isn’t home, I secretly sleep on his pillow and wear his t-shirts. Our family life is proof that “change is the only constant,” with four deployments, two babies born, and five moves in the past six years. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

My son is a mama’s boy.

I am a boy’s mama.

Our attachment was not instantaneous. There was no magic. Our attachment grew in the small, shared moments of life.

It took root when I held my tiny, hungry baby and I fed him. It grew as I soothed his anxious cries, singing whatever song I could pull from my weary brain. It bloomed when we snuggled in for naps together, breathing in and out simultaneously. Our lives are so richly intertwined that it is hard to tell where I stop and he begins.

Best Buds

My son is a military child. I am military mama.

No matter what comes, Carson knows he can count on me. I am his constant.

My husband is a military dad. He loves our children completely. But he doesn’t have the luxury of constancy. He misses out on everyday opportunities for fatherhood. It’s been that way since the beginning.

Four months from my due date, my husband was selected for command of a Provincial Reconstruction Team in Afghanistan.  In an instant, our “military family planning” went out the window.

Chris would miss the first 15 months of our son’s life. He’d miss his birth. He’d miss his first smile, first steps, first word. He’d miss his first Christmas and his first birthday.

“If it had to happen, it is best that it happened now,” he rationalized. “He’s too young to know I am not there. He won’t remember it.”

In some ways, Chris was right. Intellectually, Carson doesn’t remember that his Dad missed those things.  But emotionally, he knows.

He knows his dad is gone way more than he is home. His dad has been TDY or deployed more than half of Carson’s four-years-long life.

He knows he wants his mom to buckle his seatbelt, to hold his hand, to sit next to him in restaurants. He knows he wants his mom to read him stories, to wipe his tears and his bottom, to make his dinner. He knows his mom will make everything all right. He knows he can count on me.

A while back, I asked Chris what he wants our kids to remember about him when they are adults. He said “I want them to remember that I served in the war….I was awarded three Bronze Stars….I helped the people of Afghanistan reclaim and rebuild their country.”

His answer seemed so sterile, so historical, and so sad. His answer seems so different from my own.

I want my kids to remember that I loved them. I want them to remember how I kissed their hurts, how I read their favorite stories, how I played catch in the living room. I want them to remember that I carried them when they were tired, that I called them “Booty” and “Punk.” I want them to remember ice skating and train trips and Christmas cookies.

It took me a while to make sense of my husband’s response and to accept its wisdom.

Boys will be boys

My husband knows he missed out on important, irreplaceable moments in our son’s life. He misses them every day. Even when he’s not deployed, his responsibilities keep him away from home in mind if not in body.

Those missed moments are painful for Chris and they are painful for Carson. “Daddy has to work” is a lackluster reason for missing the spring preschool concert. “Daddy has to work” doesn’t make him feel better when the phone rings during dinner. “Daddy has to work” cannot begin to express the importance of Daddy’s job. Sure, Carson understands about “bad guys” and “good guys,” but he can’t grasp how bad the bad guys are. And he doesn’t yet know how good his Daddy is.

My husband hopes his children –  when they are all grown up – will understand why he wasn’t there. He hopes they will be proud of him. I hope so, too.

My son is a military child.

He runs outside every afternoon when retreat sounds on base. He puts his hand on his heart and stands still until the National Anthem ends. He is proud to be an American.

Then he waits in the yard. Sometimes he waits for hours. He waits for his Dad to come home, playing and puttering until he sees his Dad’s car round the bend. Then he runs all-out toward the end of the driveway and holds his arms up high so his Dad can pull him into the car through the open window. They maneuver into the garage together, four hands on the wheel.

As they interact, their attachment grows. They talk over dinner about daycare drama and last night’s episode of Wipe Out. Then they adjourn to the dining room to race slot cars until I say it is bath time. Carson bumps Chris’s car off the track with amazing skill. He declares himself the winner. His Dad is the happiest loser I’ve seen.

In those small moments, my son and his dad are not subject to military priorities or the deployment schedule. My son feels his Dad’s love as surely as he feels my own. He is a military child.

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Check back next Monday as I hope to have a guest post on the Exception Family Member Program.

(please feel free to use this!)

I love learning more about my fellow MilSpouse bloggers. So I created a weekly meme. Each week, I’ll post a list of questions on Thursday (so you can have your blog ready on Friday). Come back here on Friday (like today!) and enter your blog post into Mr. Linky below so others know who else participated and we can all visit other blogs. Please leave a comment too! And please feel free to use the button above!

This week’s questions are:

1. With PCS moves happening every few years, do you take the time to paint and decorate your home? submitted by Life as Mrs. JPT
We are lucky enough to pretty much be homeported so we don’t have to move often. That being said, we knew we were staying in our rental for only a year so we didn’t paint. Had we stayed for three years or so, yes, I probably would have painted.

2. If you could live in any home on a television series, what would it be? submitted by Standing By Him
I would want to live in the Spellman house from Sabrina the Teenage Witch. It as a cool Victorian house (LOVE THEM!) and had a fantastic wrap-around porch. It also had a secret closet that took you to the other realm, and I think that would be awesome.

3. What inspired you to start your blog?  submitted by Pink Combat Boots
I have been journaling since I was in about second grade. I switched to online journaling while I was in college and before this blog, I had one that chronicled the life of a 20-something dating in the online world. Some of the dates I went on were funny. Of course, when I married Huzzy, I went to this blog. It was a natural progression.

4. What is the weirdest thing you’ve ever seen on base? submitted byAdventures in Life
We have at least one cougar and several bears on base. Does that count?

5. Which historical figure (politician, writer, artist, scientist, actor, etc…) would you like to have dinner with?  submitted by Army of Two
I would like to talk to Queen Victoria. She changed so much in the monarchy that changed the world. She is known as the “grandmother” of Europe because her many children and grandchildren married throughout the continent so her kin touched a lot of different countries and changed history. I think she’d be extremely interesting to speak to. Of course, she’s also from my favorite architectural era

Please don’t forget to add your blog link to Mr. Linky below by clicking on it. But also if you are not participating in MilSpouse Friday Fill-In this week, please do not put your link on there… I will remove it. It is unfair to others who do participate.

April is the Month of the Military Child. Deployments and serving in the military is tough on the servicemember and the spouse, but it’s equally as hard (if not harder) on the servicemember’s children. Military children often need more support than a civilian child, especially during deployments.

This month, to honor our military children, I’m dedicating each Monday to Month of the Military Child. Since we don’t have children, I’ve asked a few guests to blog about their experiences with military children and provide some insight into how we can help these children excel during what may be the toughest time of their young lives.

My second guest post of the month is about a side of the service that is often overlooked… the Reserve side. As a reservist myself, I thought it was important to highlight the children who live as civilian children… until they are thrust into the military life with a deployed parent.

This guest post will also highlight some fantastic organizations that can help both active and reserve families.

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Hi all!  I am so excited to do this post for Wife of a Sailor because there are so many things available to help through deployment that many just don’t know about!

Let me introduce us – My husband calls me Princess so that’s what I go by… so that makes me a Soldiers Princess (I just love saying that).   I am a 30ish wife of a deployed soldier (a 16 month deployment, thank you Army Reserves!) and mom to a 6 year old (although she often reminds me that she is ALMOST 7, in fact that reminder started the day AFTER her 6^th birthday), AKA Diva.  We live in Southern California and LOVE it here.  I work full time; run my custom military wife shirt company, volunteer a lot and act as taxi service for Diva.  I also write a blog over at tiarasandacus.blogspot.com.  It’s my place to clear my head, rant about stupid people and this deployment… but also to offer my sound (loopy at times) advice on all things deployment related.  I have found great comfort in not being alone thanks to the blogfamily!

My husband is in the Army Reserves.  We have a much different life than an Active Duty family, mainly when deployment comes around.  We have to learn about Tricare, which we only have for a year at a time.  We have to switch doctors for a YEAR… of course our civilian Dr does NOT take Tricare and the Tricare Dr does not take Blue Shield!  We don’t necessarily live close to a post to use the Commissary or the PX.  We don’t have military wife friends that can sympathize or offer their support.  We have civilian friends who compare a deployment with their husbands 4 day business trip to Topeka, KS.  (They totally understand being a single mom for a bit… REALLY!?)  There is no concept of living each day worrying about your soldier, your child… your future.  With all that said, there are some benefits for wives and our kids because of the reserves.

First of all please try to attend the unit’s Yellow Ribbon Briefing – There are a series of classes.  The one prior to deployment is mandatory for your soldier and optional for the family.  As the wife, it’s a great thing to go to.  You can learn a little about your benefits and who to call during deployment for your medical, in case of emergency… those things.  The Army pays for your travel, hotel and per diem for you and your children (no matter how many rugrats you have, they even provide childcare!).

I will admit my MilSpouse friend and I are using an upcoming one as a girls’ weekend on the Army!  It’s boring as heck for most of it (a 53 slide PowerPoint presentation on what to do if you by chance have $500,000 in the bank.  Most of our guys didn’t have $5 in the bank due to a pay mess up but whatever) BUT there is some useful information and phone numbers you can get to help.  There are also 2 or 3 done after the deployment starts.  I have avoided most as I can’t stand sitting in a classroom with a bunch of gossipy wives BUT I am going to the one about reintegration because, lets be honest it’s a concern we all have.

OurMilitaryKids (www.ourmilitarykids.org/ ) – AMAZING group that will provide UP TO $500 for extracurricular activities for your children includingsports, fine arts and tutoring.  We all know that our kids need to stay busy while their mom or dad is deployed… both for their sanity and ours.  This grant is given based on cost of activity and length of deployment.  We used it for gymnastics and it paid for 8 months of her gymnastics class, and then reapplied for tutoring.  It was very easy to do.  I supplied a copy of orders, LES and information for the activity.  The check was sent directly to them within a few weeks.  You can also apply for a grant more than once in a 365 day deployment.

NACCRA – (www.naccrra.org/) National Association of Child Care Resource & Referral Agencies.  Many of us either work or go to school so taking our spouse out of the picture makes life difficult for scheduling.  When hubby is home we can switch off on who drops off or picks Diva from school.  NACCRA supplements your daycare cost and will help you locate a daycare if needed based on the nearest branch post.  Ours is based off of daycare costs in BARSTOW and we live in Orange County.  They pay everything over what the average daycare is on Fort Irwin.  I had to supply copies of my pay stubs (or school schedule if you are in school), his LES, the daycare needs to be approved as well.  The last day of every month I fill out a form showing what days she went to daycare, then the daycare and I sign it and email it.  The check takes about 15 days to receive to daycare.  This is in place for the entire deployment!

Tutor.Com – (www.tutor.com/military) Free online tutoring for the children of a deployed service member.  We haven’t signed up for this mainly because our daughter is in 1^st grade and it doesn’t seem to be very user friendly for that age.

Keeping busy throughout the deployment is needed and helpful to pass the time.

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Check back next Monday for another awesome guest blogger!

April is the Month of the Military Child. Deployments and serving in the military is tough on the servicemember and the spouse, but it’s equally as hard (if not harder) on the servicemember’s children. Military children often need more support than a civilian child, especially during deployments.

This month, to honor our military children, I’m dedicating each Monday to Month of the Military Child. Since we don’t have children, I’ve asked a few guests to blog about their experiences with military children and provide some insight into how we can help these children excel during what may be the toughest time of their young lives.

My first guest post is about a fantastic organization called Operation: Military Kids.

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Hi, I’m Pamela, Navy wife, mother of a teenage daughter, and you can read more in the About Me section of my blog, When Good People Get Together.  Today my focus is not on me, but on military children.  I was a military child for thirteen years, and now my daughter is entering her seventeenth year of the military lifestyle.  It’s been an adventure and a challenge. 

Did you know that military children are considered a special needs category in the same way that children who have physical, emotional, or developmental disabilities are considered special needs?  Military children can suffer from emotional challenges due the deployment of one or both parents.  Military children experience all the trauma of separation but much more intensely because they are children.  I’d like to introduce you to an awesome program, Operation: Military Kids, which provides programs and activities for military children to help them cope with and adjust to the upheavals associated with deployment.

Operation: Military Kids is the U.S. Army’s collaborative effort with America’s communities to support children and youth impacted by deployment. Regardless of whether families are experiencing deployment for the first time, the second time or another in a series of multiple deployments, OMK’s goal is to connect military children and youth with local resources in order to achieve a sense of community support and enhance their well-being. (Source: http://www.operationmilitarykids.org)

OMK is a partnership between Army Child and Youth Services and the USDA/4-H Headquarters.  Army Child and Youth Services funnel funds down to each Land Grand State University into the 4-H programs in each state.  They knew they had to get into the civilian communities to get support to military youth and families wherever they live, because after 9/11, they found that the ensuing war was being fought by tons of Guard and Reserve members, all of whom left families behind in civilian communities, not on the big military bases.  So, Army Child and Youth Services searched around for an organization with state-by-state coverage and presto!! 4-H was the perfect fit.  They realized that the Cooperative Extensions (the Cooperative Extension at each state University is the headquarters of each state’s 4-H program nationwide) were the perfect partners to get resources and support out to military kids and families in every community in the country. After all, the 4-H system reaches even the most remote parts of the country, so no matter where military families live; there is a County Agent and a 4-H club nearby.

My daughter and I became involved with Operation: Military Kids as a part of our 4-H club’s community service efforts.  We first got involved at the ground level – the preparation of Hero Packs.  Hero Packs are backpacks full of items to keep children occupied in the initial deployment period, and then to keep them connected to their deployed parent after that.  The backpacks include fun items like card games, Frisbees, and small toys, communication tools like writing paper, note cards and a journal, and support materials from local organizations that specialize in fun programs and events for kids.  As we were putting the backpacks together, we did an exercise that helped demonstrate what military children miss when their parent deploys.  In a yearlong deployment, the parent is absent from every holiday, birthday, school concert, and graduation, and for our 4-H members, from every horse or dog show, every award banquet, every field trip.  Our club was privileged to attend a Yellow Ribbon Night event, where parents received final pre-deployment details and the backpacks were handed out to the children.  My daughter is the only military child in her 4-H club, so the others were able to meet other military children and gain a better understanding for what it must be like to be separated from one or both parents for a lengthy period.

Operation: Military Kids provides a myriad of fun and low-cost programs and activities for military children.  There are events, workshops, day and family camps going on throughout the year.  In addition, Operation: Military Kids provides workshops for educators and teens to help them communicate the effects of deployment on children.  I encourage you to check out Operation: Military Kids in your state.

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Next week: Reserve military children and some ideas and organizations to help those kids who generally only deal with the military when mommy or daddy is deployed.

I’m such a bad blogger. My blog has been filled mostly with MilSpouse Friday Fill-Ins. And that’s not right.

I fell in love with the solarium that is off the kitchen and faces the backyard.

You all know back in January that we put an offer on a house and it was accepted. We are still waiting to close on the house. Yes, still waiting. It seems as though a bank I did business with in the past was remiss in finishing paperwork that would close out the account. When I found this on my credit report back in November (a good example as to why you should check out  your credit reports for FREE each year as mandated by the government!) I immediately started working to get it resolved. It was supposed to be finished last August, so it was a total surprise to me that it wasn’t in November.

It was finally resolved enough to continue with our mortgage on the house (but won’t be complete complete for another 30 or so days. Ugh!). We are supposed to hear back from the underwriters today. I am hoping there aren’t any “conditions” we have to meet because we really need to close Thursday. I have a feeling that if they come back with “conditions” it will be that it has to be completely closed on my credit report… and that will take 30 days to get there.

A small part of the backyard that features a HUGE huckleberry bush, an apple tree, a cherry tree and grapes that drape a swing gazebo.

We’ve already asked for two extensions. I highly doubt they will give us a third. Especially for a month. I bet they would for a few days but not a month.

The other problem continues to be our landlords. We have the house until the 31st, but I’m not sure if they will let us stay beyond that. And even if we close on the 31st, we will need a few days to move out and then CLEAN the house so that it’s so clean they HAVE to give us our deposit back (which we really need because after Chase’s illness, we have no savings anymore).  I’m still not sure of the situation here.

There was another “inspector” that came to the house and took pictures from the outside. I asked him if he could tell me what was going on and he said that he’s called out in one of three situations (he’s not from the bank, but the bank hires him). He said it could be:

1. They are trying to refinance/re-structure the mortgage.
2. They are more than 30 days late on payments.
3. They have filed for bankruptcy.

He said that in the third option he is only told to do a drive-by, not take photos, so that is not it.

Our rec room that will be great for parties. Picture is taken from the wet bar area.

Um, let’s see here. We were told that the house was being sold and the “buyers” ran into some paperwork issues with their bank. Yet, these buyers have never stepped foot inside the house and there has never been an inspection of the house that is required by banks for mortgages. The house has also never been on the MLS, there’s never been a “for sale” sign outside and there has never been a Realtor lock on the door. If they were refinancing a loan, I don’t see why they would tell us they are selling it and have buyers.

So that leaves only the option that they are more than 30 days late on the loan. Which makes sense to me given everything else. I wouldn’t doubt that they are CLOSE to foreclosure or bankruptcy, either. So I’m hoping that they will give us a few extra days (of course we’d pay). Heck, if they are having money problems, I can’t see why not…. that’s cash in their pocket.

In other news, it’s about that time again. Tonight is our Pre-Deployment Meeting. *sigh* It feels like he just came home. But, it’s been nearly three months and in the (non fast-attack) submarine community… that’s it. I feel bad that he’s going to miss another summer. But, we should be on shore duty starting next May, so hopefully he’ll be here to enjoy it next year!

Dear World,

I have thought long and hard about it and I’ve decided I would like to give stress up for Lent. I think I could sacrifice what has been a constant in my life for the past couple years. I mean, I’m at least willing to try.

Unfortunately, with my heart dog possibly having a tumor/cancer and may have to be put down, a house that doesn’t seem to want to close because of stupid banks who were supposed have this paperwork completed SEVEN MONTHS AGO, landlords that can’t seem to tell us if we can stay longer in the house and may only give us a few days’ notice to leave, me still being on unemployment (and since I’ve just passed the year mark, I’m getting really depressed about that) and other stuff… I’m not sure if that’s even possible.

Maybe, instead, I should just give up my sanity for Lent. Yes, my sanity. It seems to be leaving me anyway. That is what I’m giving up for Lent.

Let’s just hope it comes back AFTER Lent. Seriously.

Signed,
Wifey, who doesn’t want to be a homeless-jobless-heartdogless, person next week.

P.S. My only saving grace is that Huzzy is home right now. I’m not sure I could do this without his support. I hate that they are in hard-core training again for their right-around-the-corner deployment. It feels like he just got back a few weeks ago. Oh wait… he did.

This pretty much sums up how I am feeling right now! Twenty months of hell= finished!  We’ll now actually have a few months together before he goes to sea again!