Category Archives: deployment
Month of the Military Child- Helping Children Understand
While we try to teach our children all about life,
Our children teach us what life is all about.
~Angela Schwindt
April is Month of the Military Child. Since Huzzy and I don’t have children, I put out a call for guest bloggers to help out. I originally wanted to do a guest blogger every Monday, but I had so many fantastic responses that you’ll see a guest blogger every Monday and Thursday!
My fourth guest blogger is Army wife Kate from jak{ofhearts}.
——————–
Hi, I’m Kate from jak{ofhearts}! My husband, John, and I are high school sweethearts. We’ve been married for 3 years and have 5 years of his Army career behind us. We have a 2 year old daughter, Aliyah, who had a heart transplant when she was two months old. Our lives are full of her laughter and the reminder that every moment with her is a gift.
>>>>
“Boots off.”
Those words are first. They are before hello, they are before a kiss. She knows that when Daddy’s boots come off, he is home to stay.
She couldn’t understand why Daddy was gone for so long. She didn’t know that it was just field work and that he’d be back in a few weeks. She didn’t understand why we couldn’t always talk to him, but when she opened the coat closet and saw the empty space where Daddy’s boots are supposed to be - that she understood.
I’m fine with talking about Daddy’s work in terms of his boots because I know that someday she’s going to ask harder questions to answer than, “where are Daddy’s boots?”. At two years old, she doesn’t understand that her Daddy is a part of something bigger, but she knows everybody wears the same clothes. She doesn’t know what sacrifice means, but she knows what it looks like. She doesn’t know that he could die. She doesn’t know her Daddy is a soldier. And all of those things, those questions and fears that make my stomach turn inside out, she will have them someday. She will eventually realize what it means when we see people without legs and missing arms at the grocery store. She will understand that the fear surrounding her Daddy’s job isn’t like the monsters in her closet, it’s reality. She will come to terms with that reality – but not today.
Today, if you were to ask her about Daddy, she would tell you that he has a nice hat and big boots, and drives trains (strykers, trains, same thing.). She would tell you that he holds her hand and that they ‘nuggle before bed every night. She would tell you that he is silly and has big socks. She would tell you that he is her world.
She cried big crocodile tears the day he had to go back to work after 2 back to back months of training in the field. We have since given her distinctions – “work” means he’s home for dinner, “mission” means he’s going to be gone for a while – but distinctions won’t prepare our little Daddy’s girl for a deployment. Nothing is going to prepare her for Daddy’s boots to be gone for months and months. I’m not going to tell her that he is fighting bad guys. I’m not going to tell her that he might not come home. But there will be no way to avoid the empty space where Daddy’s boots go.
And when the time comes that she asks so sweetly where Daddy’s boots are, I will tell her as simply as I can. ”Daddy’s boots are being brave, baby. We will see them soon.”
——————–
Month of the Military Child- Preparing Kids for Deployment
By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail.
~Benjamin Franklin
April is Month of the Military Child. Since Huzzy and I don’t have children, I put out a call for guest bloggers to help out. I originally wanted to do a guest blogger every Monday, but I had so many fantastic responses that you’ll see a guest blogger every Monday and Thursday!
My third guest blogger is fellow sub wife Chelsey at the bubblehead bride.
——————–
Hi! I’m Chelsey. I am a Navy wife, new mom to the worlds sweetest little boy, and dog mom to two naughty fur-babies. I consider myself the coordinator of all that is crazy in our household, and really…sooo that entails pretty much everything! I am a bit sassy…a bit funny….and a lot sarcastic! I am so excited to be over here at Wife of a Sailor to tell you a little bit about my life as a military wife raising a military child!
Chelsey from the bubblehead bride
As a new mother I am plagued with concerns for my son. Is he eating enough? Is he developing on track? Is he suppose to be doing that?!? It’s normal for mothers to worry about their children. It’s what we do. It’s why we’re mothers. As the mother of a military child, though, I have found that my worries reach far beyond that of any regular mother.
When I married my husband (and the United States Navy) I knew what I was in for. Having survived an eight-month submarine deployment, a brief stint in the shipyard, and routine sub duty, I figured there were few surprises in store for me. Simply put, I knew how to be a Navy wife.
When our son came along, on shore tour, I realized that everything I thought I had figured out about this lifestyle was no longer important. Gone were the days of living on chocolate ice cream and red wine. Now I am responsible for feeding my little person a healthy and nutritious dinner. No longer was I going to be able to fill my abundance of free time with reading books, girls nights with fellow Navy wives, and quality time with my DVR. I could no longer just focus on getting myself through. I realized that I was now responsible for someone else. And it was important that he more than “got through”. Thus began my mission to make my son (and future children’s) lives as happy and routine as possible…with or without daddy.
With the help of Pinterest and some other “super Navy moms” that I know, I have long been preparing myself for how I am going to handle raising military children. We have books we can read, like When Dad’s At Sea by Mindy Pelton and My Dad’s a Hero by Rebecca Christiansen and Jewel Armstrong. Many moms that I know have created Daddy Dolls, which allow their children to still have daddy with them even while he is away. The web is full of endless resources for military families, and most importantly military children. Websites like www.deploymentkids.com have free patriotic printables, military puzzles and games, and ideas for deployment journals to help children get out their thoughts and feelings about deployment.
One thing we can all agree on is that this is not an easy lifestyle. All families have their unique challenges and there are days when all you can do is pray that tomorrow will be better. The one thing we can rely on, though, is that we are all one big military family, and together even the insurmountable tasks seem manageable.
They say it takes a village to raise a child and that’s exactly what we are doing in the military. Together we are raising a village of miniature heroes that can be proud of themselves, their country, and their daddy and mommy.
I am in no way affiliated with and/or receiving any perks from the mentioned websites and products. I just think they’re awesome on my own.
——————–
Third Anniversary
A part of you has grown in me. And so you see, it’s you and me together forever and never apart, maybe in distance, but never in heart.
~Author Unknown
Today is our third anniversary. I’ve been fine this whole deployment and didn’t expect this day to really bother me. But it really is. Hope I pull out of this funk because I really don’t want to be in it for work.
Anyway, if you haven’t read it before, go see How We Met. It’s pretty funny. And also something to scare you if you have daughters, because in my case, drugs are good. Oh, and of course, there are wedding photos 
Does He Stay Or Does He Go?
If nothing ever changed, there’d be no butterflies.
~Author Unknown
Note: This post was written CENSORED TIME ago (yeah, I try to be funny, but in reality, it’s an OPSEC thing so I can’t tell ya nuttin’!).
Last night, my husband came home and told me that in 20 minutes, he’d know if he was leaving for his patrol (deployment) the next day or possibly the day after. Cue my panic attack. He wasn’t supposed to go for another week. I know things change, but I like to have a bit of notice. Even a day or two would be good.
So I ran around trying to get his halfway box put together (which I planned to do this weekend since I actually had some days off). I hadn’t purchased everything I wanted for it, but I had enough stuff to fill it. Twenty minutes came and then an hour. Huzzy called the boat and they hadn’t heard word yet. So we went to bed.
At 0400, we got up because even if Huzzy didn’t have to leave for his multi-month patrol, he had duty and therefore had to be at work at the buttcrack of dawn. Actually, before dawn.
I drove him to the base and stopped at the bus station (since only submariners are allowed to go to lower base) and kissed him and watched him board the bus. I don’t know when I’ll see him. It could technically be tonight, if they are indeed leaving tomorrow or the next day. That is, if the other crew does “last night duty” for them. Basically, that’s where the other crew fills in duty so the guys going on deployment can spend the last night before leaving home. However, if it is, indeed, tomorrow and the other crew can’t or doesn’t want to come in to relieve the guys, I’ll see him when he gets done with his patrol. If it’s the day after, I’ll see him for a few hours (hopefully) after he gets done with duty and before he has to leave to go to the boat for the patrol.
Of course, it may still end up happening when it was originally scheduled, or anytime between now and then. Or after then. Who knows. He told me he’d call me and give me a sign (because he can’t say anything about boat schedule) if he was leaving. I haven’t heard from him. But that doesn’t mean something isn’t still happening.
I hate not knowing when I’m going to see him again. But I’m looking at Facebook and several of the wives are talking about making dinner and hoping their husbands come home in time. So I’m assuming it’s not today/tonight.
That’s one thing I dislike about submarines. The guys come and go and there’s no fanfare. No “welcome home” that most other commands and other service branches have. It’s silent. No one knows our sadness of our guys going away because we can’t tell them. And we can’t tell them until well after they are gone.
And we can’t even begin to show excitement about them returning because that would signal they WERE returning. And for a submarine, that is deadly. We silently gather on the pier and wait for them to come back. There’s no excited tweets or Facebook posts saying we are SO FREAKIN’ excited to head off to base to get our guys. Just the internal excitement. Sometimes it’s like a great secret that only you know and no one else does. But it’s a secret you just want to SHARE.
Of course, I just got the call as I was finishing this up and I know he’ll be coming home tomorrow. At least I’ll have that. He’ll tell me when he gets home what the plan is. Ya know, until it changes again! It’s always something! Such is the life of a sub wife.
*After-the-fact note: my husband ended up leaving AFTER his original scheduled date. However, between the time this was written and the time he left, the schedule changed or was threatened to change many times!
One-Armed Wonder and Other Musings
I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once.
~Jennifer Yane
It’s finally happening! I’m going to have surgery in exactly four weeks. While I’m scared and nervous, I’m also so excited. I sure hope this will finally fix my shoulder.
Unfortunately, the doctor isn’t sure what is wrong. My MRI came back fine, but he wasn’t expecting to find anything on it. He said labrum tears (which is what he’s expecting to find) are hard to see on MRI and because it’s been 18 months months since the injury, he said it would have been even more unusual to actually find something. He also says there is a possibility of me having stretched ligaments (like a rubber band that’s been stretched and won’t go back in place). If it’s the labrum tear, he’ll fix that by shaving off the flyaway pieces and, depending on the severity and type of tear, re-attach it. If it’s a stretched ligament, he will have to tighten it back up.
The doc has said the goal of the surgery is pain relief and the prognosis is “good to excellent.” That’s good news for the most part. If all I get from this surgery is pain relief, I’ll be happy. He says there’s a good chance that I will have pain the rest of my life. There’s also a moderate chance that if the ligaments are fixed, they could be fixed too tight or too loose… and then I’d have to have surgery again. And while he expects me to be back in Navy-shape six to 12 months after the surgery… there’s a chance this won’t happen. Which means I’d be medically separated.
But I’m focusing on the positive… I have a GOOD chance of lessening the pain after this surgery. I’m so excited about that. I’d love to sleep more than 3 or so hours without waking up and having to re-adjust my sleeping position. I’d LOVE to sleep on my left side again. I miss it. And my right shoulder gets tired of being the only one slept on.
According to the doctor, I will need care 24/7 for the first 10 days. After that, I should be able to return to work since I do office work. I’m going to have to rent an “ice machine.” Apparently, it’s a gizmo that is wrapped around the shoulder and delivers a continuous flow of cold water to keep the area iced and the swelling down.
Huzzy has told his command about the surgery but they haven’t given him the okay that he can take care of me for either that day or for the entire 10 days. And while I know I have friends in the area who wouldn’t mind shuttling me to the hospital for the surgery (while it’s total anesthesia, it’s a same-day hospital stay/surgery), I loathe to ask people to help. I will if I have to, don’t get me wrong, I just don’t really want to.
I’ll be in a sling for quite a while and I’ll still be in it when Huzzy goes on his next patrol (deployment). This should be our second-to-last one before shore duty. Four in 2 1/2 years so far. Pretty normal for our community except deployments 2 & 3 happened back-to-back and that’s what’s going to happen to deployments 4 & 5. That’s not normal but we’ll have been with three different commands during these five patrols, so it happens. The final deployment looks like it’ll be a long one (so far). Oh well, I know it will (or should) be our last, so once we get through this one, we are one away from being home free! Well, at least for a little bit.
As I go through my daily routines, I’ve been thinking about how that will be with a sling. And not just a sling, but I won’t be allowed to move, turn or lift my shoulder for fear of un-doing whatever fixing/tightening the doctor will do in there. I’ve wondered things like….
How in the WORLD do I get a shirt on?
Not to mention my Navy uniforms… how am I supposed to wear those and still be in regulations?
I drive a stick shift… uh…..
How do I put muzzles on the dogs?
How do I open a jar?
The bathroom. ‘Nuff said.
I am going to have to become a one-handed pecker. (get your mind out of the gutter, I’m talking a hunt-and-peck typist)
How do you pull a chord for the push-mower while holding down the bar thing on the handle?
I’m glad I don’t have kids and have to deal with them one-handed. But dealing with the dogs should be interesting.
This should be quite the adventure… and one I will hopefully not have to repeat. The Navy hasn’t given me an LOD (Line of Duty) letter yet, so right now, I’ll have take those 10 days off unpaid and also not be able to do my second job and lose the pay from THAT. The letter was supposed to be here a month ago. My choice is to either do the surgery now and hope they will eventually back-pay me or put it off… and have the surgery while Huzzy’s deployed.
Have any of you had labrum surgery and/or tightening of the ligaments/tendons? How did it go? Am I worrying about not having help afterward for no reason?
