Tag Archives: Family

I’m alive

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Love is the condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own. 
~Robert Heinlein

I’m still here and still alive. I just finished up a marathon summer, which included six weeks of traveling. Because of this and Huzzy’s most recent deployment, we still haven’t spent more than two weeks together since Christmas. And he’sbeen home since April.

Kittens at three weeks old.

We’ve been dealing with some things lately. The number one issue is that for the past six months, we’ve been unsuccessful in trying to become pregnant. We’ve done everything right and even with my traveling, the timing has been perfect. But nothing. And that’s on top of the year (minus a total of 14 weeks Huzzy was deployed) of “not trying but not preventing.”

It’s been long enough that my doctor wants me to come in and she’s going to try and see what the problem is. Huzzy already had some tests done and it’s most definitely not him. So whatever it is is my problem. Hopefully we can fix it easily. That being said… does anyone know of an RE in the Kitsap area that you love/trust? I may need to find one.

Huzzy and I are also dealing with some personal things, so please pray/think good thoughts that things work out well.

On top of that, we have some absolutely adorable foster kittens. In fact, we have six of them and they are 6 1/2 weeks old. So freakin’ adorable. Momma just went back to the Humane Society yesterday… she stopped nursing the kittens and was getting tired of them. So it was time for her to focus on herself and get a home.

The Birthday-Approaching Blues

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There is still no cure for the common birthday. 
~John Glenn

Today, I realized that my 30th birthday is less than two weeks away. I’ve known that it was coming, but it hit me tonight. It’s the first birthday that I’m thinking of all the things I “thought” I’d have/be doing by it. I mean…  10 years ago, I thought I’d be married with two small children and visiting my family once every other month or so.

I’m married, and married to a fantastic guy. But we don’t have kids even though we would both love to have them right now. I don’t know if the road to to having children will be rocky or not. What I do know is that I’m 99% sure I had an early miscarriage last month (called a chemical pregnancy). And while in my brain, I know that something like 40-70% of first pregnancies end in miscarriage (though most are chemical pregnancies and a majority women don’t even know they are pregnant before they… aren’t), it’s still tough to deal with.

And it was happening as I was sitting on a plane and then going into work the next morning. How do you pretend that everything is okay when that is happening? Because it’s really hard to tell people, “pretty sure I was pregnant but didn’t even make it to the doctor to get confirmed.”  It was also SO freakin’ early that it’s hard to even believe it might have been happening myself.

It’s also something that starts me worrying if this will be a long process. Because if we want to have two children (and we do!), if we don’t have them in the next five years or so, there’s a good chance that I won’t be able to have them thanks to some family history that will force a hysterectomy.

Anyway, I’m done talking about that. I wasn’t even going to post it but someone who I confided in said I shouldn’t have to go through it alone (though I wasn’t because Huzzy is here but it’s not the same). And I started thinking she was right. One of the reasons I started this blog was to share my life so that it might also help others. I’m sure some of you have gone though the same thing.

Other topic: Huzzy and I splurged this week! Tomorrow, we are getting new floors installed throughout the top floor of our house: our dining room, livingroom, hallway and the three upstairs bedrooms. We also bought a new couch! Unfortunately, the couch is on backorder and won’t get here until July, but still.

Oh gosh. I am old. We spend $10,000 on floors and furniture and I get excited and am extremely happy with the idea. My young self would have purchased a new car (coming later this year!) or gone on vacation or done something else with it. Furniture and floors? Yup, I’m old.

 

Shhh… I Have a Secret!

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I brought children into this dark world because it needed the light that only a child can bring. 
~Liz Armbruster

I have a secret. And I can’t tell my family. But Huzzy is already tired of discussing it. Because it still kinda scares him. So I have to share. You won’t tell, will you? Promise? Especially if you are on my Facebook or know anyone I know in real life.

Huzzy and I made a decision this morning. A decision that is pretty big for us.

You see, my shoulder is still injured. And my orthopedic surgeon is disagreeing with what the radiologist said on my MRI (yes, I will be seeking a 2nd opinion after I let him try one more shot of steroids to see if it helps). Which means I’m not anywhere close to getting this resolved. I was told I needed surgery according to the MRI report by my PCM. She said it was a tear of the labrum and since nearly a year of physical therapy hasn’t worked, then surgery was my only option.

Why is this important (other than I’m constantly in pain/uncomfortable and can’t do everything I used to)? Well, my shoulder had to heal in order for me to raise my hand and get Afghanistan over with. I’ve known for the last seven months or so that my Navy Reserve community was shrinking the number of billets needed and was told the next two years would decrease by a lot more. Now that President Obama has announced the draw down in Afghanistan, this is even more assured.

So why was Afghanistan so important? Because I wanted to get my deployment out of the way so that we could go on with our lives and start a family. I wanted to avoid having a kid be left with someone other than his/her parents (since Huzzy deploys too) while I went overseas. I wanted to get it out of the way before I found a full-time job here. I thought I’d be in Afghanistan right now. And I would be, if it wasn’t for my shoulder. Right now, my community is filling billets 10+ months in advance, so once my shoulder got okay, it’d still be nearly another year before I could start the deployment.

But I’m not getting any younger. And I’ve recently had a uterine cancer scare (won’t know for sure for another two months to see if the drugs I’m on stop my symptoms… if not, then I might and will have to do further testing).

So Huzzy and I have decided to forego raising my hand for Afghanistan.

And I’m going to take the next six months or so and lose the weight I need (from both recent drugs and a few years of it creeping up) and get in really good shape.

And then we are going to try and start having a family.

I even bought pre-natal vitamins today because my OB/GYN wants me to be on them for about six months before we try to conceive.

Of course, we never know what will creep up in those six months. And we aren’t telling our families or friends (keep ya traps shut! =P) because they’ve been wanting us to start since we got married more than two years ago. And I don’t want to hear the “are you yet?” questions.

And of course, if it does turn out that I have uterine cancer, I will most likely have to have a hysterectomy and not even get to try to have kids. But having kids BEFORE it turns to cancer could help push the cancer off into the future (family history says it’s 90% sure I’ll get it eventually… most likely in the next 10 years).  And of course, Huzzy still has another deployment and a half in the next year or so, so that may interfere with timing.

We already know we won’t announce it to ANYONE until we are 2-3 months along anyway, so this is the last time you’ll hear me talk about this. Unless I happen to have a hard time conceiving. Or something scarier happens… then I’ll probably need to vent.

But yeah… Afghanistan is out… kids are in!