There is still no cure for the common birthday.
Today, I realized that my 30th birthday is less than two weeks away. I’ve known that it was coming, but it hit me tonight. It’s the first birthday that I’m thinking of all the things I “thought” I’d have/be doing by it. I mean… 10 years ago, I thought I’d be married with two small children and visiting my family once every other month or so.
I’m married, and married to a fantastic guy. But we don’t have kids even though we would both love to have them right now. I don’t know if the road to to having children will be rocky or not. What I do know is that I’m 99% sure I had an early miscarriage last month (called a chemical pregnancy). And while in my brain, I know that something like 40-70% of first pregnancies end in miscarriage (though most are chemical pregnancies and a majority women don’t even know they are pregnant before they… aren’t), it’s still tough to deal with.
And it was happening as I was sitting on a plane and then going into work the next morning. How do you pretend that everything is okay when that is happening? Because it’s really hard to tell people, “pretty sure I was pregnant but didn’t even make it to the doctor to get confirmed.” It was also SO freakin’ early that it’s hard to even believe it might have been happening myself.
It’s also something that starts me worrying if this will be a long process. Because if we want to have two children (and we do!), if we don’t have them in the next five years or so, there’s a good chance that I won’t be able to have them thanks to some family history that will force a hysterectomy.
Anyway, I’m done talking about that. I wasn’t even going to post it but someone who I confided in said I shouldn’t have to go through it alone (though I wasn’t because Huzzy is here but it’s not the same). And I started thinking she was right. One of the reasons I started this blog was to share my life so that it might also help others. I’m sure some of you have gone though the same thing.
Other topic: Huzzy and I splurged this week! Tomorrow, we are getting new floors installed throughout the top floor of our house: our dining room, livingroom, hallway and the three upstairs bedrooms. We also bought a new couch! Unfortunately, the couch is on backorder and won’t get here until July, but still.
Oh gosh. I am old. We spend $10,000 on floors and furniture and I get excited and am extremely happy with the idea. My young self would have purchased a new car (coming later this year!) or gone on vacation or done something else with it. Furniture and floors? Yup, I’m old.