Where hope would otherwise become hopelessness, it becomes faith.
My mom is here visiting for a little more than a week. I’ve missed her. It’s been almost a year and a half since she last visited. I have enough comp time to take the whole week off, so hopefully I can get some stuff done around the house!
But yesterday was an irritating day for me. My mom knows that we are trying to have a baby and that it isn’t going well. She also knows that it’s to the point where I have a referral for infertility on Wednesday. I’m at that point in my cycle where, though it was early, I *might* have gotten a positive pregnancy test yesterday, which was my mom’s birthday. She knew this because we are waiting to see if I am this cycle before telling my brother what I can/can’t do in terms of travel next summer so he can plan his wedding reception.
I’ve been spotting since 6DPO (days past ovulation). While that could be good and considered implantation spotting, it’s been pretty bad. To the point where I actually thought my period had started on 9DPO (it didn’t) and I told my mom this.
She told me, “If you would just relax and not stress, then you might actually get pregnant.”
This from a woman who (self-proclaimed) got pregnant just at the THOUGHT of wanting to get pregnant. And she was able to do that at 31 and 33. And with just one ovary (other had been removed at 25). And with endometriosis.
I’m younger (by 1 and 3 years). I have twice as many ovaries as she does. And I do NOT have endometriosis. Yet, I can’t seem to do it.
Not to mention the fact that charting actually is LESS stressful for me. By doing this, I know where I am in my cycle. I know what my body is doing and can find out patterns that will help for our infertility appointment. I think it helps me relax.
She has no idea what it is like to want to get pregnant but not and to need help doing something that is meant to be a woman’s biological “job.” Kinda like she had no idea when she told me during Huzzy’s and my first deployment she understood what a deployment was like because she and my dad were separated for three months when I was 14. He moved an hour and a half south for a job. We visited every other week. We were together for the holidays. We called whenever we wanted. Yeah. JUST like a deployment (enter eye roll). Not to mention the fact that during those three months, she was considering divorcing my dad (they weren’t in love anymore and divorced 7 years later).
I have decided that while I’ll tell my mom if/when we get pregnant, but I won’t be sharing the details of that journey with her. Not the doctor’s appointments or anything. SHE will stress me out.