God puts rainbows in the clouds so that each of us – in the dreariest and most dreaded moments – can see a possibility of hope.
So last I left that I had been spotting since 6DPO. That hasn’t changed. However, thanks to charting, I know yesterday started my actual period. Wednesday’s appointment with my OBGYN (there isn’t an RE around here so right now, we’ll see if the OBGYN can help before driving 60-90 minutes to get to an RE) was just going over my charts–which she loved, by the way! She said I’m definitely ovulating and that Clomid isn’t what I need right now. She scheduled me for an HSG Monday.
If you don’t know what an HSG is, basically it’s roto-rooting. LOL. I’ll be heading to a local radiology place that does MRIs (which is where I had my last one done for my shoulder) and will get some dye contrast inserted to check the shape of my uterus and make sure my tubes aren’t blocked. If they are “sludgy” or have some build-up, they should be able to flush them out by pushing more dye through. If they are totally blocked… well, then we’ll have to look at other things. At that point, I believe IVF is the only next step if they are totally bad. However, “at my age” (doctor’s words), I could just have some buildup and once it’s cleared, there’s a great chance I’ll get pregnant in the following three months. I’ll let you know how it goes. Apparently, it’s not too horrible if your tubes are clear, but the more blocked they are, the more painful it gets.
My doctor also sent me to the lab to get a pregnancy blood test to make sure I wasn’t pregnant. I’m not. I knew this but was still holding out hope. We went to Mt. Rainier Saturday and on the way back, we saw a beautiful rainbow. I am a Christian and though I don’t preach it (I believe everyone should make their own choice about religion and my job is to be a good example of a Christian, not push people to be one just because), I truly believe in God.
Rainbows and I go way back. Back to when I was 8 or 9 and my grandma was having surgery that might sever her last remaining vocal cord (they still to this day don’t know how she can speak with only one). I prayed to God that my grandma would be okay. I walked outside to play and saw a rainbow. Since then, if I really needed a sign that something was going to be okay, I’d pray and I see a rainbow.
Saturday, I had just been thinking and rubbing my belly hoping I was pregnant so I didn’t have to go through the infertility stuff. That’s when, not two minutes later, we saw a beautifully full rainbow. So I had hope that that meant I was pregnant, but I also knew it could be just God telling me to keep hope alive. Since I’m not pregnant, I’m keeping hope alive that I can still get pregnant. I know that somehow, some way I will be a mother and Huzzy and I will have a family of our own. And while I still hope it is the traditional way, I’ve also started looking around at things like embryo adoption and regular adoption. Because I’m a Type A planner and I need to have a backup plan. And maybe even a backup plan for my backup plan.