A little learning is a dangerous thing, but a lot of ignorance is just as bad.
A friend called yesterday and asked how I was. I told her things could be better that I found out that morning that the Clomid didn’t work this cycle. Not many people in real life know we are trying to conceive, nor about our struggle with infertility, but she’s a good friend so she does. Please remember this when you read this. She’s a good friend who would never hurt someone on purpose and only wants to be nice and helpful.
However…. do you know what she said to me? ARE YOU READY FOR THIS?
She said while she hasn’t been in my shoes, she kinda was. She was married before and couldn’t get pregnant for years (I’ve heard this story before). She eventually got divorced (not because of that) and found the true love of her life and got pregnant right away (she has two kids). She felt it was meant to be and God was telling her the person she was originally married to wasn’t the right person.
(Of course it has nothing to do with the fact that I don’t believe they ever got tested and her ex husband could have been shooting blanks.) *rolls eyes*
She then said the last time she talked to me she prayed for guidance from me and really felt like what she got back was that it might be detrimental to my life to get pregnant.
Then she asked me if I had ever thought that not getting pregnant might be a blessing because she truly thinks that I might die if I do. She asked if I’d ever thought about adoption (she was adopted) and that maybe God was wanting me to go that way.
I, of course, immediately started crying and told her that I couldn’t talk about that right now and I had to let her go for today and I’d talk to her later.
OMG. I know she was trying to help me not be upset about the failure and I know she truly meant well, but no one has ever said anything so hurtful and insensitive to me before. She basically said that either Huzzy and I aren’t meant to be together and/or that she thought I’d die if I got pregnant. The latter its sounded as though she was sure about.
I was, and am, still hurt beyond belief. I was hyperventilating and actually started dry heaving from it.
I know what she said isn’t true about Huzzy and me.
I know that people CAN and DO die from childbirth. But the chance of that is low, so it’s not something I choose to worry about. Not only that, but I truly TRULY believe that if God didn’t want me to get pregnant, I won’t (and that could be what’s happening now, but I won’t know until we exhaust all avenues). And I believe that if I’m meant to die, it’ll happen at the time it’s supposed to… whether that’s childbirth or driving a car or walking to the mailbox. I don’t think you can do anything to change your “time.”
What’s the worst thing someone has said to you as they were trying to help?
Oh and for my friends who haven’t had to battle infertility, here’s a link to a great post about things you shouldn’t say to someone battling infertility. And if you are wondering what you CAN do/say? Here’s a link to things you CAN say/do for someone battling infertility.