I put a call out for guest bloggers while I’m traveling home to Michigan for my younger brother’s wedding reception. This is the second post and it’s by the fantastic Megan over at Everyday Nonsense. She describes herself as someone who has crazy hair and laughs really loudly. Megan is also dealing with infertility, but has gone farther on the journey than I have at this point.
I’m scared this post may sound selfish, but it’s something I need to get out. As a gal dealing with infertility, it kills me to hear of friends that haven’t even been trying get pregnant. I try to put on a brave face, but inside I want to scream. Wow, writing that I sound awful….
My husband and I have been in a tiff about this for quite some time. Call it the difference between males and females (I just call it him being an a**), but he can’t understand why it bothers me so much. Why I can’t be happy for people. Why I can’t let it go. He says that he hurts too, but he’s still able to be happy for them. Bless his heart for being the bigger person, but I’m not there yet. And here’s why.
We did our ET at the end of March. The whole egg retrieval and embryo transfer process was stressful in itself, but then I miscarried on April 15th (I’ve never written that until just now- cue water works). It was the worst day of my life.
Before we began the process I had a friend call and tell me that she was having issues conceiving. Mind you, she has three children, her youngest being 5, so I just said ok and listened. She was upset because when she was younger (she’s now 32), she was able to get pregnant at the drop of a hat. It took her 6 months. She wanted me RE’s number to speak with him after trying for 4 months. We talked. I told her what my doc had said and I tried to be a good friend. 1 month later she found out she was pregnant, but then miscarried. I was there for her. 1 month after that, she got pregnant again. She’s now due in September and has not ONCE called/emailed/texted, etc to see how I am doing with anything through this whole process. It kills me.
Another friend stopped by our house to tell us they were pregnant. They “weren’t even trying” but were so excited. I wanted to scream.
And, our really good friends had a whoops one night and are now due in September as well.
So let’s just say I don’t handle news of pregnancy well.
What I’m wrestling with is, how do I be happy for people when I’m not happy myself? How do I separate jealousy from my other emotions?
If you struggle with infertility issues, how do you handle news of your friends pregnancies? I mean, I do put on a smile and a happy face, but inside I’m a mess. Is this normal? Am I bad person?
If you liked what you heard, please check Megan out at her blog.
I have two more guest blog posts coming next week… I hope you are enjoying them!