Both optimists and pessimists contribute to our society. The optimist invents the airplane and the pessimist the parachute.
It’s official. IVF 1 is going to happen in November. We are officially on the list and we start the myraid of tests Tuesday. The doctors just don’t think we’ll have much hope of getting pregnant without it since we’ve gone six medicated cycles with nada.
First up: blood tests for me and both blood tests and an SA for Huzzy Tuesday. Next up: a uterine check (they put dye in it and make sure I don’t have any rough spots or cysts or anything that could hamper pregnancy). Huzzy will have another SA a week from Tuesday and then a week from then, he’ll have an appointment with a urologist to see if they can figure out the reason for his drastic drop in numbers.
On September 18, we’ll be attending a “shot class,” which is also an intro to IVF class. There, we’ll learn about the different medicines we may be taking and learn how to give shots. This terrifies me. Huzzy has never given a shot before and he’ll have to give me intramuscular ones every day for weeks. I shared with him my hesitation and he just laughed and said he’d do it “really quick” so I didn’t feel it. Thoughts of being stabbed like a potato getting prepped for baking scares the SHIT out of me.
I have no doubt Huzzy will take it seriously, but I really do think he’ll either “do it quickly” and either stick it too deep or not deep enough or he’ll do it so slooooowly that I’ll wish I was sticking a spork in my eye instead.
But really what terrifies me is spending all this money (we’re using my inheritance from my grandma, plus several thousand dollars) and not having anything to show for it. We’ve agreed to do the IVF and whatever FETs come from it, but I am 99% sure that will be it for me. I know it works for the majority of people, but one of my most favorite Twitter people just recently went through her last FET (from several, plus several fresh cycles) and unfortunately does not have a take-home baby. I just can’t imagine the sense of loss and grief she is going through.
Huzzy, at this point, does not want to adopt. So right now, it’s either this or no children. I know he may change his mind, but I can’t bank on that and must prepare myself if that is his final answer. So, if we go through IVF and have no embryos to freeze, or the frosties don’t make it through thaw, then we’ll be done TTC in three months. In three months, this journey may be over. And I don’t know what to think.
For now, though, I’m remaining positive that it will work. I’m going to try and do everything I can to get my body ready. I plan on getting into a strict workout routine, eating cleanly, and finding time to relax. I’m even going to try yoga. And acupuncture. Because they can’t hurt… and might help.