Make It or Break It

Both optimists and pessimists contribute to our society.  The optimist invents the airplane and the pessimist the parachute. 
~Gil Stern

It’s official. IVF 1 is going to happen in November. We are officially on the list and we start the myraid of tests Tuesday. The doctors just don’t think we’ll have much hope of getting pregnant without it since we’ve gone six medicated cycles with nada.

First up: blood tests for me and both blood tests and an SA for Huzzy Tuesday. Next up: a uterine check (they put dye in it and make sure I don’t have any rough spots or cysts or anything that could hamper pregnancy). Huzzy will have another SA a week from Tuesday and then a week from then, he’ll have an appointment with a urologist to see if they can figure out the reason for his drastic drop in numbers.

On September 18, we’ll be attending a “shot class,” which is also an intro to IVF class. There, we’ll learn about the different medicines we may be taking and learn how to give shots. This terrifies me. Huzzy has never given a shot before and he’ll have to give me intramuscular ones every day for weeks. I shared with him my hesitation and he just laughed and said he’d do it “really quick” so I didn’t feel it. Thoughts of being stabbed like a potato getting prepped for baking scares the SHIT out of me.

I have no doubt Huzzy will take it seriously, but I really do think he’ll either “do it quickly” and either stick it too deep or not deep enough or he’ll do it so slooooowly that I’ll wish I was sticking a spork in my eye instead.

But really what terrifies me is spending all this money (we’re using my inheritance from my grandma, plus several thousand dollars) and not having anything to show for it. We’ve agreed to do the IVF and whatever FETs come from it, but I am 99% sure that will be it for me.  I know it works for the majority of people, but one of my most favorite Twitter people just recently went through her last FET (from several, plus several fresh cycles) and unfortunately does not have a take-home baby. I just can’t imagine the sense of loss and grief she is going through.

Huzzy, at this point, does not want to adopt. So right now, it’s either this or no children. I know he may change his mind, but I can’t bank on that and must prepare myself if that is his final answer. So, if we go through IVF and have no embryos to freeze, or the frosties don’t make it through thaw, then we’ll be done TTC in three months. In three months, this journey may be over. And I don’t know what to think.

For now, though, I’m remaining positive that it will work. I’m going to try and do everything I can to get my body ready.  I plan on getting into a strict workout routine, eating cleanly, and finding time to relax. I’m even going to try yoga. And acupuncture. Because they can’t hurt… and might help. Signature

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8 thoughts on “Make It or Break It

  1. I can completely understand how terrifying this is. As someone who hasn’t quite “jumped on board” with full-blown IVF yet precisely because of the traumatizing cost (I mean, who wouldn’t jump at the chance of parting with a sum equivalent to several years of mortgage payments, right? RIIIIGHT? ), I empathize with your trepidations. I read somewhere that it’s a good idea to use the muscles where you put the shots right afterwards to reduce any incidental pain. Like you, I decided to start writing as a way to save on the inevitably necessary therapy that most if not all IFers need, so I’ll be following your progress and wishing you the best of luck from the sidelines (for now :).

  2. I haven’t ever had to give myself shots, but I did have gestational diabetes and I had to take my blood sugars 4 times a day. I know it’s not the same, but I was terrified of that at first, but quickly got used to it and it wasn’t a big deal in the end. I hope your IVF shots are the same! Fingers crossed that you get a take home baby at the end of it!

  3. My husband had never given a shot either and while I never went through IVF I did have to have shots for the first trimester trying to stay pregnant. I was beyond terrified but when it came down to it he did wonderfully. It was actually more terrifying for me to have to give myself the shots than if he did it. I am sure he will do great for you!

  4. Pingback: Thursday Thoughts #4: Decisions | Wife of a Sailor

  5. Fingers crossed for you. We went through IVF with the same doctors that you’re using back in April of this year, and were thankfully successful, though we only have one frozen back for next time (I was truthfully hoping for a few more, though maybe my body will fix itself. It’s happened!!). A little background: I am 29 with PCOS, hubby is 30 with no issues. We went through multiple cycles over the course of a year at the Army hospital before we got to the IVF or surgery option. Unfortunately that alone led to issues with severe weight gain from all the Clomid and other medications. I failed my last BCA before we went to the IVF route and got put on FEP. (Joy.) We chose IVF as a more predictable outcome. My sister in law went through the same procedure in FL and is currently expecting. So there are two success stories for you to hold onto.
    The shots weren’t too bad, as all of stimulating medications are sub-cutaneous in your belly, though you will get some irritation by the end of everything. My husband can attest, I’m scared of needles too, even with all the blood draws I’ve had to do with the vampires in the lab. The only one I had that was IM was the HCG trigger shot before egg retrieval. That one was tough, because hubby gave it to me in my butt, and though he’s a pediatrician and experienced with giving shots, I was an emotional mess!! After retrieval, I chose to do progesterone suppositories (even though I had to take it 3x daily and it has some undesireable leakage….sorry TMI) vice the IM shot daily because you take progesterone for the first 10 weeks of pregnancy. I was fine doing the suppositories when the alternative was 70 shots on a small bit of real estate over time! Plus my hubby’s schedule can be unpredictable, so making sure somebody was able to give me the shot at a consistent time daily would have been difficult.
    Anyways, sorry for the long comment. You can always email me if there’s anything I can help with. Oh, but make sure you go to medical and get a waiver for BCA and PRT due to IVF protocol. (http://www.public.navy.mil/bupers-npc/support/21st_Century_Sailor/physical/Documents/Guide%208-%20Managing%20PFA%20Records%20for%20Pregnant%20Service%20Women%20May%202012.pdf)

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