I’m (not) Pregnant…

Sometimes I wish I were a little kid again, skinned knees are easier to fix than broken hearts. 
~Author Unknown

… but they are.

It took all of three months. Three freakin’ months after their wedding for my baby brother to get his wife pregnant. They are now eight weeks along, apparently.

His wife cornered me at their wedding reception in July and asked if I was pregnant because they hadn’t seen me drink anything that night or the night they came over for dinner to my mom’s house (they knew we have been having issues). No, I hadn’t had anything to drink at my mom’s house because… I didn’t feel like it. Plain and simple. And at their reception? They must not have seen me drink the four drinks (including two Jello shots) over the preceding six hours.

I immediately started bawling and my SIL (who was relatively wasted at the time) started crying and confessed that they had been trying for two months (they had married two months prior to the reception) and still weren’t pregnant and she was sure she was dealing with infertility because they hadn’t been using birth control in the six years they were together (which pisses me off even more since 22-year-olds who aren’t even in a serious/committed relationship should NOT be not using birth control and that’s what they were six years ago).

Now I find out the cycle after that conversation… yup, pregnant!  Uh huh. Yeah. They sure were dealing with infertility! Yup. Man, three whole months… that’s rough. Apparently, all you have to do is talk to me if you think you are dealing with infertility and you are pregnant within a month. That happened with a co-worker and she’s now due in January. She was apparently unknowingly pregnant when she talked to me about infertility.

I should be happy for them because it’s my little brother and he’s going to be a dad. But I can’t be. This may make me a horrible sister, but these are the emotions I’m feeling.

Even if I wasn’t dealing with infertility issues, I’d still have a hard time being happy for them (though it’d be much easier). They are going through foreclosure of their house and don’t have anything finalized for when they are kicked out in the next two months. They are newlyweds and I do believe they have things they need to work out… a baby isn’t going to help and even though they’ve been living together for two years… marriage is WAY different. Way different. Huzzy and I lived together for two years before getting married and it’s a whole new level.

But add in the fact that I’m dealing with infertility and we’ve been doing medication since before they were even engaged and it’s even tougher.

Luckily I had the lovely Poekitten with me when he called. As soon as his phone number popped up, I looked over at her and said, “My brother is calling to tell me they are pregnant.” No joke. I knew. I had known for three weeks that someone was pregnant… I figured it was either them or one other person that is really close to me. Heck, my mom remembers me telling her three weeks ago that I thought my SIL was pregnant.  Friday night was spent mostly in tears. So was a lot of Saturday. And today I finally talked to my mom on the phone and there was another hour of tears.

I know I’ll be happy for them eventually. But I just can’t deal with the emotions that come with dealing with them until I’m done with this IVF cycle. Regardless of the outcome, I’ll deal with the emotions then (oh yay, over Christmas… that should be special, especially if this cycle doesn’t work). I need to be calm, stress-free, and happy when I do go through IVF. There’s just so much riding on it.

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10 thoughts on “I’m (not) Pregnant…

  1. I’m so glad that Poe was there for you. She is such a wonderful lady. I wish I had something constructive say, but that sucks majorly. I can’t even begin to understand what that would be like.

  2. Hi there, I follow a bunch of infertility blogs — you can find them through my blog. I’m so sorry that you’re going through this. I’m probably infertile – I’ve had cancer, so there is also the issue of whether it’s even a good idea for me to get pregnant, too. Anyway, we’ve been trying for a year with no luck, and I think that we’re at a point where we are going to adopt (again, the cancer thing). You’re not a terrible sister and your feelings are normal. Wishing you all the best and sending you hugs!!!

  3. ::hugs:: It’s hard, no matter what. Even though I am finally pregnant, any time I get a pregnancy announcement on Facebook it is a stab to the heart. I can stomp my feet, yell about it being unfair, but it doesn’t change anything (unfortunately). Have hope. This cycle will work, and blame everything on the extra hormones you’re taking.

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