A few days ago, I decided I needed a Twitter break. It’s not anyone’s fault. It’s the classic, “it’s not you, it’s me” thing… only it really is me.
My emotions are so over the place with everything I’ve been dealing with (IVF failure, losing my job, job trying to take all 21 months of pay back due to their clerical mistake, sister-in-law’s pregnancy/upcoming baby shower and the fact that my little brother is going to be a parent before his first anniversary, etc). I went to a counselor the other week and will be going again this week. We’ll see if it helps.
But anyway, due to all this, my emotions are simmering right at the top and can boil over any time. It seems as though all my Twitter friends now have kids or are pregnant. There are definitely a few who don’t, but for the most part, everyone I’ve surrounded myself with has moved on. And I am so happy for them. I really, really am. Unfortunately, getting glimpses of what I don’t/can’t have is tough.
It’s even harder when I see people complaining about their kids/pregnancies. And let me make sure I say, THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT. Kids and pregnancies are tough. Some days, I have no doubt they suck. But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t feel like a stab in my heart every time I hear a complaint.
It’s kinda like when your husband is deployed and you WANT socks left on the floor and you WANT to be awakened by snoring… because that means they are home. I WANT to be complaining about pregnancy and baby’s sleep schedule and the frustration that is toddler-dom. And because when you have kids or are pregnant, your life pretty much revolves around it. And that means my Twitter feed is mostly pictures of adorable babies. And pictures of pregnant bellies. And complaints about pregnancy. And complaints about all the frustrating things kids do. But each happy tweet and each complaining tweet is another stab in my heart. I want both.
Again, it’s me. It’s not my Tweeps. Because if I ever get lucky enough to be pregnant and to have kids, I have no doubt that I will complain. Because I will have a right to get irritated at things in life. Just like my friends who are moms right now have every right.
But the issue is with me… I just can’t deal with continual stabs in the heart all day long right now. At least with Facebook, I’ve hidden most of the people who post photos of their adorable children. I still visit their pages, but I know what I’m going to see when I go there and it doesn’t slap me in the face because it’s not on my feed. I wish I could do that with Twitter sometimes.
SIDE NOTE: if you are military, please make sure you know what is available to you via Military One Source. They have a LOT of resources and one of the things they offer for both military members and dependents is 12 free counseling sessions per issue with civilian providers. These sessions will not be on your TriCare record and no one… not even your/your spouse’s command… will know you went. If you need help, call Military One Source and they’ll help you. 1-800-342-9647