New Year’s Goals and Theme

Wow. 2015. Last year was a pretty bleak-looking New Year as I was still struggling after our failed IVF and at that point, my husband was still firmly “no” on another round of IVF. I was contemplating how my life would look childless along with contemplating if my marriage could survive that.  2015 Theme

This year is, obviously, totally different. I’m 30 weeks pregnant and Skipper will be making her debut in the next few months. Life will be completely changed and while I have ideas of what it’ll be like with a child, I obviously won’t know until she’s here. Because of this, a New Year’s resolution is tricky. So this year, I’m going with one overall theme for the year and then some goals, rather than resolutions.

Theme:  Organization
I chose this because I think not only do I need more organization in my life, I’m going to need it even more after Skipper is born. I also need more organization in my Jamberry business as I’m currently moving up in the company quickly. Organization will help me prioritize my life and make things a lot smoother.

Goals:

  1. Make it to at least 37 weeks with Skipper and be ready for her (hello, organization!)
  2. Get five promotions with Jamberry (I need to be organized in my home office to do this)
  3. Start my own communications consulting firm and get at least one client (I definitely need organization to juggle this, Jamberry, Navy Reserve, and baby!)
  4. Lose all the baby weight by the end of the year, plus 15 pounds (I need to be organized in order to find time to do this with all of the above)
  5. Get every room in my house organized… read: no more boxes from when we moved here four years ago. LOL (obvious organization)

 

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2013: You were… there

So 2013 is almost finished. Good riddance. While we didn’t have a death in the family for the first time in years (thank God!), it wasn’t great, either. And it ended with me losing my job yesterday (I did absolutely nothing wrong and they are hoping I re-apply for my job when it opens in 2014 as a permanent position).

If you haven’t been following me the entire year (or even if you have), here’s what happened:

In January, I started Clomid and had my first failed cycle… and the same day a friend told me I probably wasn’t getting pregnant because my husband wasn’t the right person for me. That and she had a vision from God that said I’d die if I got pregnant. I also learned that you just can’t get away from infertility, even while at the dentist. I also wrote a letter to our future child. I sure hope I can give it to one some day.

Huzzy and me at the highest road point in the continental US.

Huzzy and me at the highest road point in the continental US.

February brought about our first IUI and I explained what it was like. I also talked about Sequestration and Continuing Resolution and what they meant to the general public. I still don’t think people get it. Let’s not forget the post about the most life-changing book ever (and I’m not exaggerating!): Taking Charge of Your Fertility.

We got our first IUI results in March. Obviously you know it didn’t work. I was also reminded that my husband is in the Navy and even when he’s on shore duty, the Navy can still intrude and mess with your life… and your anniversary plans.

In April, we started considering other options beyond IUI. And I learned that I shouldn’t buy pregnancy tests at the grocery store because people still don’t get infertility. For Month of the Military Child, I had guest speaker Raising Chaos who wrote a great post.

May found me at the USS John C Stennis homecoming as part of my civilian job. I also blogged about society not being compassionate enough when others are hurting… we are too busy saying “You should be thankful that you don’t have it as bad as me.

Yes, this moose was very close in Colorado. He kept walking toward me. I kept backing away.

Yes, this moose was very close in Colorado. He kept walking toward me. I kept backing away.

June was a light month where I only blogged about Father’s Day and how it’s a worse day for our house than Mother’s Day. Neither of us have dads anymore.

We went on vacation in July to visit our family and while I was gone, I had several guest speakers like Shanon at Modern Meets Traditional… she came out of the infertility closet!, Megan at Everyday Nonsense who talked about the emotions of infertility, Lauren at Confessions of an Infertile who talked about infertility treatments while moving and being in the military, and Armymomma, who talked about adoption after infertility.

August was also a light month. But you still don’t want to miss the funny videos of None in the Oven and my list of 24 Things Infertile People are Tired of Hearing.

In September, the Navy barged back into our lives and I almost thought Huzzy was going to go back to sea for another three years. I mused that it must be nice to be oblivious to infertility, and also talked about trauma-induced panic attacks and how one came about because my mom didn’t call me back (much like my dad didn’t when he died).

October started a really busy time and started out badly. The first day of the month, I was furloughed and also had to go to the dreaded dentist.  I got back into making jewelry and did an infertility/pregnancy loss awareness bracelet giveaway. I was also punched in the gut when my brother announced his wife got pregnant just three months after their wedding… and one month after she came crying to me that she was dealing with infertility because they had been trying for two months and weren’t yet pregnant. I also started the fun that is Lupron in anticipation of my IVF cycle.

My cousin, Huzzy, and me while sightseeing in Colorado.

My cousin, Huzzy, and me while sightseeing in Colorado.

November was a really emotional month. I started stims, I started looking 4-5 months pregnant, had really bad experience at a blood draw and Huzzy stabbed me in the ass.   My mom also told me she’d never have done IVF if she were me. Then, we had retrieval and only three embies made it to Day 2, and only two made it to transfer (one died a few days later). I also talked about the death of my innocence.

December ended up being a horrible month. We found out IVF didn’t work and at that point, Huzzy didn’t want to do anything else… I had no more options. We then had the WTF appointment and afterward, Huzzy agreed to try IVF one more time… but we are going to do injectables first after Huzzy has surgery. During the month, I also started blogging about my three weeks of meal planning (with recipes!) and wrote a second one as well. I got a bit creative and wrote a poem called The Twelve Infertile Days of Christmas. Christmas put me in a bah-humbug mood and I decided to tell 2013 to suck it.

I’m ready for 2014… is anyone else?

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Winner, Winner… Amazon Winner!

Pick battles big enough to matter, small enough to win. 
~Jonathan Kozel

So as you know, Huzzy and I went on vacation. We thought we were going to travel approximately 5,300 miles, but we ended up traveling 6,010! We did a bit more sightseeing/driving than expected in both Colorado and Michigan. I’ll be putting a post up soon with photos from our trip.

Of course, what you REALLY want to know is who the winner is on the $50 Amazon giftcard giveaway.

No one guessed right on. In fact, every single person guessed UNDER the number we actually saw. We ended up driving by two different distribution centers were, combined, we saw more than 300 trucks alone.

We ended up seeing 529 trucks on our trip. So the winner is the person who guessed the highest number, and that is…..

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WeeMason’s Mom!  Congrats!

 

Please contact me by Saturday, August 10th or I’ll go to the next closest person.

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Guest Blog Post: A Different Ending

I put a call out for guest bloggers while I’m traveling home to Michigan for my younger brother’s wedding reception. This is the last post and it’s by a fantastic person who blogs under the name Armymomma over at Armymomma’s Blog. She’s been married to her Army husband for nine years.

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My husband (otherwise known as Armydad) and I got married a month after my 21st birthday. We both knew we wanted kids. On our first anniversary, Armydad decided we were not going to start trying, but we were also not going to use protection. I, of course, went into secret ‘I am charting and trying really hard’ mode! After 3 months, I was feeling discouraged and Armydad was showing some

Armymomma's first family picture as a family of 4, taken Easter 2008 less than 2 weeks after Thing2 was born.

Armymomma’s first family picture as a family of 4, taken Easter 2008 less than 2 weeks after Thing2 was born.

surprise that we were not pregnant. So, we started actively trying: taking temperatures, ovulatios kits, and timed intercourse. Three months later, I knew in my gut that it was not going to happen for us. Armydad thought I was being overly dramatic and kept telling me to give it more time. He was not ready to talk about whether or not something was ‘wrong.’

Fast forward almost 2 years later. By that point, I had given up all hope. For my birthday. I asked for one thing: a decision from Armydad about either seeing a doctor or starting the adoption process. I just wanted kids and did not care how we got there. At the time, he was not yet in the Army. We had health insurance that covered no fertility treatments whatsoever. We chose to move to adoption without ever pursuing fertility treatments or extensive testing.
For Armydad, the reasons were more financial. He did not want to spend thousands of dollars on things that might not work and would still leave us childless. Instead, he preferred to move to a sure thing. For me, I didn’t want to know what our issue was. I knew myself well enough to know I would place blame. I would hate myself if it was me and I would hate Armydad on my bad days if it was him.
My birthday was in November. We had our first meeting with the adoption agency in January, were home study ready and waiting in March. Our precious son was born in July and placed in our arms at 10 days of age. In the end, for us, it was quicker and less expensive to adopt.  Less than 2 years later, we were again ready to add to our family. That process from first phone call to baby in our arms was less than 4 months!

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If you want to learn more about Armymomma, considering following her over at her blog.

I hope you enjoyed the guest posts while I’ve been on vacation!

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Guest Blog Post: Infertility Treatments From Afar

I put a call out for guest bloggers while I’m traveling home to Michigan for my younger brother’s wedding reception. This is the third post and it’s by one of my favorite people-I’ve-yet-to-meet-in-real-life: Lauren. She blogs over at Confessions of an Infertile.

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Hello, readers! Since Wifey is out traveling around the country, she needed some guest bloggers to step in for awhile, so here I am. My name is Lauren and I blog about my infertility journey over at Confessions of an Infertile. My husband and I have run the gambit of fertility treatments over the past almost 5 and a half years – from oral medications all the way up to IVF and FET. We’ve experienced 2 first trimester losses (11 weeks and 5 1/2 weeks) as well as a chemical pregnancy from our second round of IVF.

Because of my Army wife status, I’ve had the pleasure (maybe that’s not the right word…) of working with 3 separate doctors – an OB/GYN in GA and REs (reproductive endocrinologists) in both AZ and NC. After being diagnosed officially with PCOS while under the care of my first RE in AZ, I was relieved to learn that we were PCSing to Ft. Bragg where one of a handful of military REs is stationed.

Over the last 2 and a half years spent at Bragg, we’ve undergone several timed intercourse cycles, 5 IUIs, 2 IVF cycles, and 2 FET cycles. When we learned that we would be PCSing to VA after a second FET failure in May, we were faced with a big decision – do we stay with a doctor who we know and trust but is a 4 hour drive away or do we find a new, local doctor? Since we have our 3 final embryos stored in a lab right outside of Bragg, we opted to stick with our RE in NC.

So some of you may be wondering – how will you complete a cycle from that far away? Thankfully an FET cycle is easier to complete from a distance in comparison to an IVF cycle. Since there are so many blood draws and monitoring ultrasounds required in an IVF cycle, patients are typically asked to spend about 2 weeks or so in or around Fayetteville. Since I only have 3 required ultrasounds and blood draws spaced out over a period of 3 weeks, I was provided with lab orders and was directed to find a local imaging office here in VA. Since my first appointment isn’t scheduled until the end of the month, I’m not sure if a copay will be required for my ultrasounds. I had bloodwork done back in June and I wasn’t charged, so if you’re going down this route, you shouldn’t have to pay either. Assuming all my ultrasounds and blood draws show that my ovaries are behaving themselves and that my lining is nice and cushy for my embryos, we’ll only have to spend 24 hours in Fayetteville for the transfer. Because of this, only minimal out of pocket expenses will be incurred accommodations wise. Wish I could say the same for the actual procedure.

While the overall process does have many positives, there are also a few negatives.

1. Locating an imaging location that accepted Tricare Prime Remote was slightly difficult. It was so much easier just to show up at 6am for my monitoring appointments at my clinic on Bragg.

2. No personalized service. My nurse knows me well and treats me like an individual – not just another patient rolling through. Whoever will be doing my ultrasounds locally won’t know me. I probably won’t even have the same tech for all 3 ultrasounds. I’m glad that I’ve been through enough of these internal ultrasounds to know what my RE is looking for, otherwise I’d end up asking a million questions that probably couldn’t be answered.

3. Not having friends around for moral and emotional support. Back in NC I had a small group of girlfriends who were there for me during my cycles. Sure I can talk to them and text them, but it’s not the same as actually being in the same place as they are.

As I get the ball rolling, hopefully things will progress smoothly and transfer day (August 19th) will come quickly.

If you have any questions about infertility treatments, Tricare coverage, or both, check out my blog or drop me an email at confessionsofaninfertile@yahoo.com.

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If you haven’t met her before, make sure you go and visit Lauren over at her blog.

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Guest Post: A Range of Emotions

I put a call out for guest bloggers while I’m traveling home to Michigan for my younger brother’s wedding reception. This is the second post and it’s by the fantastic Megan over at Everyday Nonsense. She describes herself as someone who has crazy hair and laughs really loudly. Megan is also dealing with infertility, but has gone farther on the journey than I have at this point.

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I’m scared this post may sound selfish, but it’s something I need to get out. As a gal dealing with infertility, it kills me to hear of friends that haven’t even been trying get pregnant. I try to put on a brave face, but inside I want to scream. Wow, writing that I sound awful….  Meme

My husband and I have been in a tiff about this for quite some time. Call it the difference between males and females (I just call it him being an a**), but he can’t understand why it bothers me so much. Why I can’t be happy for people. Why I can’t let it go. He says that he hurts too, but he’s still able to be happy for them. Bless his heart for being the bigger person, but I’m not there yet. And here’s why.

We did our ET at the end of March. The whole egg retrieval and embryo transfer process was stressful in itself, but then I miscarried on April 15th (I’ve never written that until just now- cue water works). It was the worst day of my life.

Before we began the process I had a friend call and tell me that she was having issues conceiving. Mind you, she has three children, her youngest being 5, so I just said ok and listened. She was upset because when she was younger (she’s now 32), she was able to get pregnant at the drop of a hat. It took her 6 months. She wanted me RE’s number to speak with him after trying for 4 months. We talked. I told her what my doc had said and I tried to be a good friend. 1 month later she found out she was pregnant, but then miscarried. I was there for her. 1 month after that, she got pregnant again. She’s now due in September and has not ONCE called/emailed/texted, etc to see how I am doing with anything through this whole process. It kills me.

Another friend stopped by our house to tell us they were pregnant. They “weren’t even trying” but were so excited. I wanted to scream.

And, our really good friends had a whoops one night and are now due in September as well.

So let’s just say I don’t handle news of pregnancy well.

What I’m wrestling with is, how do I be happy for people when I’m not happy myself? How do I separate jealousy from my other emotions?

If you struggle with infertility issues, how do you handle news of your friends pregnancies? I mean, I do put on a smile and a happy face, but inside I’m a mess. Is this normal? Am I bad person?
~ Megan

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If you liked what you heard, please check Megan out at her blog.

I have two more guest blog posts coming next week… I hope you are enjoying them!

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Guest Post: Coming Out of the Infertility Closet

I put a call out for guest bloggers while I’m traveling home to Michigan for my younger brother’s wedding reception. This is the first post and it’s by the awesome Shanon over at Modern Meets Traditional. She is a a 20-something accounting professional who is madly in love with her husband, a Sailor in the US Navy. They have two fur children.

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Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.  Proverbs 3:5-6 (KJV)

I don’t consider myself to be struggling with infertility. Maybe I just haven’t accepted it yet, or maybe that is just how I am wired as an individual. In fact at this very moment my doctors and I don’t even know if it is a problem. So why did I volunteer to provide Wifey with a guest post about infertility? Because, while I am not struggling with infertility, I am facing it.

Shanon and her husband

Shanon and her husband

When we made the decision it was time for me to quit my job in Georgia and join him here in Virginia we also made the decision that it was time to stop preventing pregnancy. I stopped taking birth control and we just thought it would take a few months to get it out of my system then it would just happen, like magic. We thought wrong.

Sometimes it happens like that. In fact, I have the most wonderful Goddaughter who I love dearly and who is my whole world that came into this world in almost exactly that way Sometimes, when I think about how it worked with her I get a little sad, because that’s how I expected it to work for me. And it didn’t. But even when I’m sad, I look at the 5 (yes, 5) pictures of her I have hanging around my desk and can’t help but smile because that little girl has prepared me for the adventure of motherhood in a way nothing except having my own baby could. Granted I have been spared the midnight feedings, but I got to witness the miracle of her birth, I rejoiced the first time she rolled over (oops, didn’t know it was the first time and kindda let it slip to mom & dad who weren’t there…) I know the tricks to get her to fall asleep and just the right amount of cereal to add to her baby food. And all of this helps, and I know that it is preparing me for the greatest adventure of my life, but it doesn’t change the fact that I’ve never been pregnant. I thought I was, twice in fact, but I wasn’t. And that is how we found out something was wrong.

After many tests we found out that I had a polyup growing in my uterus. In March I had surgery to remove the polyup and hopefully everything is fixed now. When this deployment ends we will go back to trying. In the meantime while I wait for the Navy to give me back my husband I am going to do everything in my power to make sure that I am in the best possible shape when he gets home so that I know I have done everything possible to make sure I am in prime baby making shape J

Maybe when my husband gets home we will get pregnant…but maybe not, and I’m okay with that because I can face anything as long as I have my husband by my side and it’s not nearly as much of a struggle when you are facing it together.

This blog post barely scratches the surface of everything I have gone through over the past year, but here I am, out of the proverbial closet, and now that I have started writing about this experience words just keep flowing so consider this the first in what I am sure will be many blog posts about this experience on my blog.

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If you want to hear more from Shanon, go check her out over at her blog!

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