Throwback Thursday- How to Keep the Romance Alive Despite the Miles

Surprising Huzzy on the Dependent's Cruise after a long patrol... he had no idea I was coming! (No, I'm not that short, he's just super tall. I'm 5'5")

Surprising Huzzy on the Dependent’s Cruise after a long patrol… he had no idea I was coming! (No, I’m not that short, he’s just super tall. I’m 5’5″)

I have decided to post some of my most popular posts for Throwback Thursday. My most popular one of all times is called, “How to Keep the Romance Alive Despite the Miles–Suggestions by Those Who Have Been There.” 

Even though this post is nearly four years old, it still has some great ideas. Is there an idea that you have that you don’t see on it?

Incidentally, it’s actually, technically, our fifth anniversary today, even though we don’t celebrate it. Five years ago today, we quietly got married at the courthouse so we could get our PCS paperwork in in time. Two weeks later, we got married in front of our family and friends. Most of them still don’t know that we were married by a judge two weeks before. However, we only celebrate the anniversary in front of our family and friends.

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The Ride

So today has been a fun day- if you enjoy being punched.

Huzzy called me after his follow-up with the doctor and they aren’t liking the way his scar is healing. He has to come back in two weeks. They also will not do a semen analysis until three months AFTER that follow up. It was supposed to be three months after the surgery. So now we’ll be six weeks behind. That is, if it worked. I hope the fact that he’s not healing well doesn’t mean they screwed up and he’s no longer able to have kids, period.

As it is, we will now be another six weeks behind starting TTC again. Six weeks is nothing compared to the years we’ve waited. But six weeks means the loss of two cycles of being able to do injectables. That is, if the sperm have even recovered enough by then (it could take MUCH longer) to even be worth me injecting myself with more hormones.

Our cruise itinerary thanks to Princess.com

Our cruise itinerary thanks to Princess.com

Huzzy also called to let me know that there’s a good chance his leave is now going to be denied for our honeymoon/5th anniversary trip. Apparently there’s something going on and they’ll need all hands on deck. Well, they really don’t, but they like to have them. Huzzy would just be missing the final day of it. If they let him, we might be able to pay several hundred dollars more and fly out on a redeye to try and get to the ship before it sails the next day. The other issue is this event has been continuously pushed back. If they push it back one more week, that will be the week we are supposed to be on the cruise. I’d say there’s a 60% chance we won’t be able to go if the event is the week before the trip and a 100% chance we won’t be able to go if it is pushed back to the week of our trip.

The ENTIRE reason that this is considered our honeymoon is because we weren’t allowed to take one after our wedding due to the Navy. And for the next three years, there was no way for us to do it, either, due to the Navy’s schedule. Shore duty is a time when he’s supposed to rest and catch up from the craziness of the three previous years and the three upcoming years at sea.

My friend at Handling with Grace was criticized by someone who took issue with the fact that she said the military life includes sacrifice. It does. We sacrificed our honeymoon for the military. We sacrifice quality time with each other. We sacrifice being able to spend time with our families. It’s a sacrifice. One that we choose to do, for sure, but a sacrifice non-the-less.

I won’t even get into the fun that is my former job issues that came up today (yes, more) and the fact that the fuzzy 150lb dog is ill. Ugh.

I’m tired of this ride. It seems like there are way too many stomach-dropping plunges and not enough fun thrills.

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2013: You were… there

So 2013 is almost finished. Good riddance. While we didn’t have a death in the family for the first time in years (thank God!), it wasn’t great, either. And it ended with me losing my job yesterday (I did absolutely nothing wrong and they are hoping I re-apply for my job when it opens in 2014 as a permanent position).

If you haven’t been following me the entire year (or even if you have), here’s what happened:

In January, I started Clomid and had my first failed cycle… and the same day a friend told me I probably wasn’t getting pregnant because my husband wasn’t the right person for me. That and she had a vision from God that said I’d die if I got pregnant. I also learned that you just can’t get away from infertility, even while at the dentist. I also wrote a letter to our future child. I sure hope I can give it to one some day.

Huzzy and me at the highest road point in the continental US.

Huzzy and me at the highest road point in the continental US.

February brought about our first IUI and I explained what it was like. I also talked about Sequestration and Continuing Resolution and what they meant to the general public. I still don’t think people get it. Let’s not forget the post about the most life-changing book ever (and I’m not exaggerating!): Taking Charge of Your Fertility.

We got our first IUI results in March. Obviously you know it didn’t work. I was also reminded that my husband is in the Navy and even when he’s on shore duty, the Navy can still intrude and mess with your life… and your anniversary plans.

In April, we started considering other options beyond IUI. And I learned that I shouldn’t buy pregnancy tests at the grocery store because people still don’t get infertility. For Month of the Military Child, I had guest speaker Raising Chaos who wrote a great post.

May found me at the USS John C Stennis homecoming as part of my civilian job. I also blogged about society not being compassionate enough when others are hurting… we are too busy saying “You should be thankful that you don’t have it as bad as me.

Yes, this moose was very close in Colorado. He kept walking toward me. I kept backing away.

Yes, this moose was very close in Colorado. He kept walking toward me. I kept backing away.

June was a light month where I only blogged about Father’s Day and how it’s a worse day for our house than Mother’s Day. Neither of us have dads anymore.

We went on vacation in July to visit our family and while I was gone, I had several guest speakers like Shanon at Modern Meets Traditional… she came out of the infertility closet!, Megan at Everyday Nonsense who talked about the emotions of infertility, Lauren at Confessions of an Infertile who talked about infertility treatments while moving and being in the military, and Armymomma, who talked about adoption after infertility.

August was also a light month. But you still don’t want to miss the funny videos of None in the Oven and my list of 24 Things Infertile People are Tired of Hearing.

In September, the Navy barged back into our lives and I almost thought Huzzy was going to go back to sea for another three years. I mused that it must be nice to be oblivious to infertility, and also talked about trauma-induced panic attacks and how one came about because my mom didn’t call me back (much like my dad didn’t when he died).

October started a really busy time and started out badly. The first day of the month, I was furloughed and also had to go to the dreaded dentist.  I got back into making jewelry and did an infertility/pregnancy loss awareness bracelet giveaway. I was also punched in the gut when my brother announced his wife got pregnant just three months after their wedding… and one month after she came crying to me that she was dealing with infertility because they had been trying for two months and weren’t yet pregnant. I also started the fun that is Lupron in anticipation of my IVF cycle.

My cousin, Huzzy, and me while sightseeing in Colorado.

My cousin, Huzzy, and me while sightseeing in Colorado.

November was a really emotional month. I started stims, I started looking 4-5 months pregnant, had really bad experience at a blood draw and Huzzy stabbed me in the ass.   My mom also told me she’d never have done IVF if she were me. Then, we had retrieval and only three embies made it to Day 2, and only two made it to transfer (one died a few days later). I also talked about the death of my innocence.

December ended up being a horrible month. We found out IVF didn’t work and at that point, Huzzy didn’t want to do anything else… I had no more options. We then had the WTF appointment and afterward, Huzzy agreed to try IVF one more time… but we are going to do injectables first after Huzzy has surgery. During the month, I also started blogging about my three weeks of meal planning (with recipes!) and wrote a second one as well. I got a bit creative and wrote a poem called The Twelve Infertile Days of Christmas. Christmas put me in a bah-humbug mood and I decided to tell 2013 to suck it.

I’m ready for 2014… is anyone else?

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Suck it, 2013!

Christmas is over. Thank goodness. I normally love the holiday but with finding out my IVF failed just three weeks prior, dealing with my feelings on my brother’s yet-to-be-born child–who was conceived just three months after their wedding, and a veritable explosion of pregnancy announcements on Twitter (FOUR in the week before Christmas through Christmas Day!), I had a meltdown.

I know this is a part of the grieving process, so I know it’s normal. It’s just tough, especially with a holiday that is focused on family. Huzzy also had duty Christmas Eve, so he was gone from 6 that morning through 9:30 Christmas morning.

But now that Christmas is over, I can focus on New Year’s. Finally, a holiday that can brighten my spirits. New Year’s is a holiday that is focused on leaving the old year behind (which I am glad to do), and looking forward to what the New Year will bring.

And honestly? 2013 can suck it. I’m hopeful that 2014 will be better. It has to be… right?

2014 will start out good, at least. This will be the sixth New Year’s Eve that Huzzy and I have been married. Guess how many of those we’ve been together? Yup, just two… but only if you count this year!  For the first three, he was deployed (different deployments, of course). For the fourth, he had duty (so he left at 6 a.m. on the 31st and didn’t get back until mid-morning on the 1st). And last year? Last year was the first we spent together as a married couple… and I was ill. We did nothing. I’m not even sure if we stayed up until midnight.

This year, I better not be ill. This year, we are going to a comedy show that ends with a champagne toast at midnight, followed by two hours of dancing. I’m pretty sure we won’t be dancing until 2 a.m…. heck, I doubt I’ll get my husband to dance at all since I barely got him do dance at our wedding.

I’m ready to kick 2013 to the curb. Bring on 2014!  Hopefully, it’s a… fruitful… year.

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The Navy Barges in

Stress is nothing more than a socially acceptable form of mental illness. 
~Richard Carlson

It’s been a while since I wrote anything about MilSpouse life. There’s no doubt that Huzzy is still military as he still puts on a uniform to go to work each day, but the military doesn’t invade our personal spaces as much when he’s on shore duty.

Sure, we’ll have to change plans if his 3-4 times a month duty falls on a date that we have something planned, but it’s much easier to plan around one day of duty rather than months of sea where there’s little hope of communication as small as an email. He’s gone four evenings a week, but that’s because he’s taking two classes in order to get his degree.

But last week, the military barged into our life unannounced in the form of an offer: If Huzzy was willing to go back to sea rightthisveryminute, he’d get his choice of type of submarine and possibly his choice of specific boat. Getting the type of boat he wants is important to him because it’s the difference of circling in the ocean for months without seeing anything (one type of submarine) and possibly getting port calls (another type of submarine).

Cue panic mode.

Huzzy has been in the Navy for nearly 15 years (anniversary is in January). While he’s been on shore duty for 16 months now, he still has another 20 months before he’s supposed to go back to sea. Shore duty is meant as a time for them to recover from the arduous demands of sea duty… it’s basically a mental health break for them. Huzzy’s last shore duty was recruiting, which was a nightmare and he spent more than three months one time without a day off. He’d work 18-20 hours a day and it just wasn’t nice. So in 15 years, this is his first “down” time. And he needs it. We both do.

So when Huzzy brought this up to me the other night, I had to take a deep breath. Because while it involves me and our potential family, it’s really his career. Going back to sea early could help him promote… it also might not help. But what it WOULD do is guarantee him the type of boat he wants.

Unless the “needs of the Navy” prevailed and they sent him to the platform he doesn’t want. Because needs of the Navy always outweigh what the Sailor wants or is promised… no matter what. It’s happened before and it’ll happen again.

In the end, Huzzy (wisely) decided that now is not the time for him to go back to sea early. He has 20 months left and would like to at least spend the next summer home before deciding to go back to sea early (gaaah! If I had my druthers, I’d say don’t go back early unless it’s a month or two!). Hopefully, we have a little one by that time and he won’t want to be away from him/her and won’t go back to sea any earlier than he’s required to.

Thanks, Navy, for reminding me that you still rule our lives and can barge in any time.

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Military Spouse Appreciation Day Link Up!

You never know how strong you are until being strong is your only choice.
~Unknown

Hello and Happy Military Spouse Appreciation Day! I wanted to put together a MilSpouse Link Up so we could get to know each other and maybe find new blogs.  So write a post introducing yourself and link up with Mr. Linky below. Please visit other blogs and let them know you found them through the link up and please feel free to use the image below in your post!

MSADLU

Hi! I’m Wifey (well, that’s what my husband calls me) and Huzzy is my husband. We’ve been married for more than four years now and he’s been in the Navy for more than 14 years. Though I was born and raised in Michigan, we now live in the beautiful state of

Surprising Huzzy on the Dependent's Cruise after a long patrol... he had no idea I was coming! (No, I'm not that short, he's just super tall. I'm 5'5")

Surprising Huzzy on the Dependent’s Cruise after a long patrol… he had no idea I was coming! (No, I’m not that short, he’s just super tall. I’m 5’5″)

Washington… and this is where we intend to make our home for the rest of our years.  Not only is Huzzy in the Navy, but I’m in the Navy as well. And I work for the Navy as a civilian. So I guess you could say the Navy owns nearly every aspect of my life.

We have two enormous dogs, Skah the 5 year old Great Pyrenees and Lulu the 7 year old Greyhound, and twin cats, Kissy and Skully. We’ve been trying to have kids for quite a while now, but I’ve been diagnosed with unexplained infertility. We’ve tried Clomid and IUIs, but nothing has worked so far. Right now, we are in the middle of a break so I can focus on getting ready for my physical test for the Navy.

Around here, I blog about what’s going on in my life. Sometimes it’s the Navy, sometimes it’s infertility, and somethings it’s something else. Right now, Huzzy is on shore duty (yay!), so it’s kinda like he has a “regular” job (other than the uniform he wears and 24hr duty several times a month) so I don’t always have a whole lot to say about that at this time. Right now, it’s more about infertility because that’s the major frustration.  Of course, I deal with an Army hospital for my infertility issues… so there’s always talk about that!

Thanks for stopping by and I hope you enjoy the link up!

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Military Spouse Appreciation Day Linkup

She stood in the storm. And when the wind did not blow her way–and it surely has not–she adjusted her sails.
~Elizabeth Edwards

Friday is Military Spouse Appreciation Day. In honor of this, I will be hosting a linkup that day for all military spouses.

If you’d like to join, please write a post introducing yourself on Friday and come back and link up to Mr. Linky (similar to MilSpouse Friday Fill-ins).  I hope we all get to know a few more bloggers through this process!

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